Can you find a gullible doctor?
by Zerkoz
Summary: What was Sarah supposed to think when she woke up to something strange in her living room? What is it, you might ask? It's the freelancers from the popular internet series Red vs Blue! Follow Sarah and her friend Happy in their adventures with the freelancers!
1. What the hell is going on!

**DA-DA-DA! HELLO! IT IS US! YOU DON'T KNOW US, BUT WE CONTROL YOUR LIFE NOW!**

_This shiz is run by two people. Him and me. _

**DOUBLE TROUBLE!  
**_Prepare yourself for random bullshit from us.  
_**SO THAT YOU CAN DIFFERENTIATE, I AM ****BOLD****!  
**_I am italics. Don't confuse us with each other. We are trying to be as clear as possible with this._

**TO START THE STORY OFF, WE SHOULD START FROM THE BEGINNING! WITH A GIRL NAMED...  
**_SARAH!_

**Also, we don't own Red Vs. Blue. ROOSTERTEETH does.**

_**3rd person POV**_

Sarah was a normal 14 year old. She had dyed her hair green a while ago, and she currently had it parted in the middle. Her eyes were a light aqua blue colour. She was short compared to all of her friends due to her height at 4' 11".

It was currently winter, or at least it felt like it. It was supposed to be spring, but it was usually below freezing with at least half an inch of snow.

Inside of Sarah's frost-covered house was her bedroom. And there she was, asleep. For the moment. Little did she know that she was going to have the best - and the worst - day of her life.

Sarah was sitting in her room on her laptop when she heard something downstairs. It sounded like voices and the shuffling of feet.

She got up off her bed and grabbed the hardest object she could find. Which happened to be her music stand. She then slowly went downstairs, careful not to make any noise.

When she reached the last step, still out of view because of the wall, she stopped and prepared herself for whatever is in her living room.  
"Who the hell is in my house?!" She yelled as she revealed herself to the intruders.

She was not expecting what she found. She saw, before her very eyes, the Freelancers from Red Vs. Blue.

"What the hell?!" She yelled at the sight before her. Why were the freelancers in her living room? More importantly, how did they get there?

Agent Texas immediately had her gun out and pointed at her.

"Where are we? What are you doing here? Why are we here?" Agent Texas started grilling Sarah for information.  
"This is my house! I don't know how you got here or why you're here!" said Sarah, more than a little afraid of the black armored freelancer.

"OK then. Explain your friend over there!" She gestured towards someone sitting at a couch. It was her friend Happy.  
Happy had ebony black hair that was parted to one side. His eyes were a sort of metallic bronze colour, and he was considerably taller than Sarah at 5' 7".

"Happy, why are you in my house?! How did you even get here?!"

"It's 3:00 PM. We were going to have a meeting today to watch season 12. Anyway, I came up to your front door and rang the doorbell and suddenly these cosplayers opened the door and kidnapped me!" He explained, talking 85 miles per minute.

"Happy, we talked about this, speak slower! And I don't think they're cosplayers. Those guns look pretty real."

"Then why are they dressed like the freelancers?"

"I think they are the freelancers! I don't think cosplayers can recreate voices that accurately!"

"Then how come Agent Maine is speaking English?" Agent Maine then promptly spoke in his normal gibberish non-language way of speaking. "See?"  
"Dude, no. He clearly did not just speak English."

"Yes he did. He wasn't very nice, but he spoke English."  
"He was growling. I heard it. Your ears are messed up." Agent Maine then 'spoke' again.

"That's a rude word, Maine! Don't call Sarah's mother a Shisno!"

Sigma then appeared on Maine's shoulder.

"He did not say that. You're just making it up as you go along." Sigma told Happy.  
"As much as I don't want to, I agree with Sigma." said Sarah.

"Thank you. I'll kill you last. I MEAN - I'll get you a cookie."  
"Okay, putting that aside, is no one going to interrogate us on how we know your names? That's what I would do if some random teenager knew who I was."

"Happy explained it to us." Washington explained.  
"Well I missed fucking everything didn't I?"

"Yes you did."  
"Well that's just great. What are we gonna do about this?!"

"It could be worse. Maine here 'accidentally' broke the toaster."  
"He did what?! My parents are gonna kill me!"

"Oh them? Yeah, we kind of locked them in their room."  
"What?! Let them out right now!"

"But they threatened to call the police because we were breaking and entering, also, it was Sigma's idea."  
"Of course it was! Why wouldn't it be that little flaming bastard's idea?!"

"Well, Happy pitched in on the idea-making process."  
"Really Happy, really?! Locking my parents in their room?!"

"Maine did it! He used the broken toaster to weld the door to the doorframe!" Happy yelled in a half-assed self-defense.  
"Happy, don't try to defend yourself. You're just gonna make the hole you're in deeper."

"Also, Maine shot your brother in the leg."  
"Fucking really?! If he was gonna get shot in his life I wanted to be the one to do it!"

"Well actually, considering the fact that Maine's gun shoots grenades, it actually like ripped his leg off. He's uh… Bleeding out in his room."

"What the hell?! Why would you blow his freaking leg off?! Nevermind, that doesn't even matter, just get out of my house!"

South points her gun at Sarah. "No." Was her simple response.

"Fine! Can someone at least help him?! I can't exactly call 911! What am I gonna say? 'Yeah hello, my brother's leg was shot off by a gun grenade thing held by a fictional character that suddenly became real.' Like they're gonna buy that!"

"I think that Delta has medical subroutines." York interjected into the conversation. The green AI appeared on his shoulder.

"That is correct." Delta confirmed for the group.

"Well hurry up and routine them! I hate my brother but I don't want him to die!" shouted Sarah.

York then ran to Sarah's brother and started the subroutine.

"You wouldn't happen to have a battery pack with exactly 729 electrons?" York inquired.

"I didn't even understand half of that sentence."

"Do you at least have a Rez-Corp brand Plasma Grenade?  
"I don't even think those exist yet. Happy, I thought you explained everything to them! And I thought the year was included in everything!"

"I did! I just didn't explain all of the technology that we don't have yet." Happy responded from the Living room.

"God dammit Happy." said Sarah, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Hey, I was getting there! Right after I showed them Peanut Butter! I was on the Peanut Butter!"  
"Happy, I'm pretty sure Peanut Butter still exists in the future."

"You never know!"  
"Whatever, just get my brother fixed!"

"My subroutines mention items that don't exist in your timeline. He will need to go to to a Medical professional from your timeline." Delta explained.  
"What the hell am I gonna tell them?! Can you explain that greeny?!" yelled Sarah, getting a 'little bit' pissed off by this point.

"We could all go there!" Happy suggested from the living room.

"Happy you aren't helping a god damn thing!"

"We could say that they're all cosplayers and say that he lost his leg in some freak accident!"

"Fine! I just hope there are some really gullible doctors in today."

"YAY!"

And so, with all of the freelancers, Sarah and Happy left to the E.R. to help Sarah's brother with his blown-off leg. And in the house, they didn't realize that they forgot to free Sarah's parents, who had already called the cops right before the others left.

**It is over.  
**_This first chapter is finally done. It was a bitch to write._

**For one of us.  
**_Mostly because someone was bitching at me to get on google drive to write this all the time. But who cares about that._

**Not me!**

_Putting that aside, this is my first attempt at a fanfiction so please have mercy. I tried._

**This is not my first time writing a fanfiction. Please still show mercy. But with that, I think that we're done!**


	2. SCATTER!

_Hey, it's us again. We're back with chapter two. _

**WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!  
**_Ignore him. And I suppose we should establish a schedule. We're going to try and post_

_**EVERY OTHER DAY!  
**__Again, ignore him. We're going to try and post a chapter every Saturday._

**HOWEVER, THIS MIGHT NOT HAPPEN BECAUSE WE'RE TOO BUSY PRAYING TO LUCIFER!  
**_Really dude, really? No, we don't pray to Satan. We have lives outside of this fanfiction and won't always be able to update. Don't scream at us to write a chapter whenever you want one. There's a schedule for a reason people. If we can't post for some reason, we'll leave an authors note._

**Now then, with all of that said, VIVA LA PLUTO, HERE'S THE FUCKING CHAPTER!**

_**3rd Person POV**_

Sarah and the freelancers made their way to the hospital with Sarah's bleeding brother. She was beyond pissed at them for shooting him. She bursted into the emergency room of the hospital.

"I need help and I need it now!" Yelled Sarah, anger and worry laced her voice as the other people in the hospital stared at her.

The freelancers walked in a few seconds later, carrying Sarah's brother, and the nurses immediately got a stretcher ready for him.  
"What happened to him?!" Asked one of the doctors.  
"It was a cosplay accident! His leg got ripped off and we couldn't find it!" Replied Sarah.

"We shot him." Happy spoke up.  
"Why would you even have real guns if you were cosplaying?!" Yelled the doctor. He must have been one gullible son of a bitch to actually buy their story.  
"That's their business! Just help my brother!" Exclaimed Sarah. She was getting fed up with all the interrogating.

"Okay, okay, I will! You're going to have to leave though. This is going to require emergency surgery to save him!"

"Where can we go, then?" Washington inquired.

"THE MALL!" Happy yelled at the top of his lungs, making the concrete 3 blocks away shiver.

"Alright, fine. The mall. I'm not paying for anything and please don't break anything." Said Sarah, not wanting to argue with Happy about the mall. She really wasn't in the mood for it.  
They made their way to the mall, Sarah was still pissed about what happened to her soon arrived at the mall.  
"Alright, no breaking things, no stealing things, and no hurting people. We will meet by this entrance in four hours. Have I made myself clear?" Said Sarah, her voice firm. Almost as if she was gonna ground them if they didn't listen to her.

"As clear as Summer in Sweden!" Happy exclaimed.

"Happy, I'm serious. I'm not in the mood for bullshit today."

"OR SUMMER IN ALL OF EUROPE!" Now the concrete 5 blocks away was shivering.  
"Happy! I am seriously not in the mood today! Stop being a jackass and just listen to the rules I set down!" Sarah was really starting to get angry.

"How many alarms could I trip before the cops arrest me…?" He was just plain rambling.  
"Trip off one god damn alarm and see what fucking happens. I dare you." Seriously people, stop fucking with Sarah. She was not happy right then.

"I promise to whatever you said that I wasn't paying attention to."  
"I don't even fucking care anymore. Everyone just fucking go. I'm gonna flip a shit otherwise. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the mall McLonalds and ordering a fuck ton of fries." Sarah then promptly walked off, not wanting to deal with them any longer.

Happy patiently waited for Sarah to disappear to the McLonalds and out of earshot. He then took a deep breath and released it in the form of a shout.

"_**SCATTER!**_" He shouted at the top of his lungs. The entire 10-km radius around the spot was shaking vividly, especially the McLonalds.

"God dammit Happy!" Screeched Sarah, even angrier than before. She stormed out of the McLonalds and stomped her way over to the King Burger on the other side of the mall. She was done with his shit for the next few hours.

After the deafening roar, the entire crowd around him ran out of the mall or into different places. Everyone in the coffee shops were covered in frappuccinos. Several Kiosks had toppled over and collapsed. The mall security kept their distance after their segways broke down.

Most of the Freelancers scattered too, South running out of the mall, and most of the others running to different places in the mall. Some ran out of fear, some ran for the heck of it. Texas stayed however, and she promptly punched Happy.

On the other side of the mall, Sarah sat at a table in King Burger angrily eating her whopping burger. She was beyond pissed at Happy and needed to calm down. She knew that a majority of the people in the mall were either hiding, or running away. God, this was just like last time. Except there were more people with them this time.

The cashier at King Burger had a horrified look on her face.

"Weren't you talking to the anti-christ over there earlier?" She asked timidly.  
"Yeah, what of it?" Said Sarah, with a mouth full of burger.

"YOUR MEAL'S ON THE HOUSE!" She states proudly. "I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME!"  
"What?" Said Sarah. She was confused and little scared by the cashier lady's sudden outburst.

"I SHALL BE LORD LUCIFER'S RIGHT HAND IN HIS CRUSADES AGAINST THE HEAVENS!"  
"And this is where I take my leave." Sarah said as she picked up her food and drink and swiftly walked out of the King burger. She's never gonna go to this one again. It feels _tainted_.

The cashier jumped over the counter and started booking it towards Happy.  
Sarah sighed, pulled out her phone and sent Happy a text saying 'Congratulations, you have a stalker'

The response was immediate: 'Like Juvia?'

'Yes but it's just stalking. She don't love you. You aren't that special.'

'Then why?'  
'She's a devil worshipper and thinks you're Satan.'

'That's nice. And I suppose that you're getting that Zboz 365 tomorrow.'

'Dude, I'm serious. She thinks you're fucking Satan and wants to be your right hand man/woman.'

'Sure. Wait… What's that? OH SHIT!'

'So what did we learn today?'

There was no response. Her phone suddenly started ringing as she was holding it.

"Hello?" Said Sarah as she hit the answer button.

"Hi? Is this Sarah?" She'd recognize that voice anywhere. It was her Mom.  
"Yeah mom. It's me. And I know this whole situation looks bad but I swear I'm fine."

"Did you escape your kidnappers? I heard that the anti-christ is in the mall. I can see that you're there."  
"Mom, there is no anti-christ and I wasn't kidnapped. It was just Happy screaming and everyone thought it was Satan. As for the kidnapping thing, I'll have to explain that later."

"YOU'RE WITH HAPPY?! THAT'S EVEN WORSE!"  
"Mom! That is not the point right now! The point is, is that I'm fine! Angry as crap, but fine!"

"But we went to the trouble of having the police track your phone! Let us have this one!"

"You had the freaking police track my phone?! What the hell mom?!"

"Meh."  
"Okay, whatever. Screw this, I'm hanging up." Sarah then promptly pressed the 'end call' button on her phone and shoved it into her pocket.

~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile, At The Pet Store…..~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sir, you need to put the cats down!" Said the flustered clerk at the pet store.

"**NEVER!**" Washington yelled in response with an armful of kitty cats. He then kicked open the door, ran out, and went to the next pet store further down the hallway.

The clerk picked up his walkie-talkie and attempted to contact security.  
"Security, we have a man in what appears to be grey and yellow armor stealing cats from the various pet stores in the mall."

The voice from the other side of the walkie-talkie crackled in.

"Is this a prank call? Good one."  
"I swear it's not a prank! There is a man in grey armor with yellow stripes on it stealing cats! He kinda reminds me of a character from that one show on the internet…."

"Ha-ha-ha. Wait. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! ARMOUR! CATS! WHAT IN THE WORLD! HE JUST ENTERED A PET STORE!"  
"I fucking told you it wasn't a prank! Someone stop him!"

"We can't! OUR SEGWAYS ARE BROKEN! YOU HEARD THE ANTI-CHRIST, RIGHT?!"  
"How could I not have heard it?! And who even cares?! Get up off your lazy asses and catch that guy! You don't need your damn segways!"

"He does have an awful lot of cats."  
"Fine, whatever. Just leave it. No one here ever gets a freakin cat anyway so they weren't gonna' get a home. I think they'll be fine with him."

"Cool. Fuck you, over and out." The walkie-talkie crackled dead.  
"I hate that guy. So much."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile, At Aberlombie and Kitch…..~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Uh…." The cashier at Aberlombie and Kitch stared at the armoured man who just entered the store.

"Hi! Do you have clothes and subsequent changes of clothes for about ten people? Sizes unknown? Four of which are female? One with cats? Any throat-wound-coverers?" North asked the cashier while perusing the displayed clothes.

"This is the weirdest prank I have ever heard."

"Not a joke. I have money." He then pulled out the thousand dollars he always carried in his pocket. He handed the money to him.

"What country is this from?" It wasn't american money.

"Uh… Canada…?"

"OK, we accept currency from Canada." This cashier was gullible as fuck. "At the end over there." He pointed to a certain rack with literally everything North needed.

"Cool…"

North walked over and picked up everything he needed.

"Don't bother checking out! I took care of everything!" The cashier said while stuffing the money in his pockets instead of the register.

"That's nice. Now to find the others…." He left the store and went to find the others. He saw someone running out of a pet store with a bunch of cats. "Found one!"

He then walked off to find Wash.

~~~~~~~Meanwhile is getting old. The scene is changing to an arcade. Deal with it~~~~~

Maine was not happy. He was very angry right then. He couldn't get the dang ball in anything above the ten point slot in skee ball!

He chucked his helmet across the room in frustration and he was about to break the machine.  
"Oh my GAWD! Look at that guy's amazing cosplay! He looks just like Agent Maine!" Said an extremely high pitched and annoying voice.

"_HISSSSSSSSSSSSS!_" Agent Maine… Hissed.  
"The armor looks JUST like it does in the show! I am so glad Is went right to season nine to see the REAL show!"

"_HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!_"  
"He's even talking like him!" The source if the annoying voice ran up to that tall and confused man and began to ask him questions about his 'amazing cosplay'.  
"How did you make that armor?! It looks so real! Are those tattoos real?! Did you actually get them just for the cosplay?! That is so amazing! I could never commit to be such a hard core cosplayer like that! And you actually shaved your head! Is that knifle real?! It looks just like it does in RvB! This is so amazing! I can't believe I found a Maine cosplayer out here randomly like this!" The annoying teen girl continued to ramble on and on about the so called 'cosplay'. Have we mentioned that she's annoying?  
"_HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!_"  
"Why do you keep hissing at me?! That is so rude! I was just complimenting your cosplay! You can at least say thank you!"

"_HISSSSSS?_"  
"I don't understand you! Speak fucking English!"

"_HISSS!?_"  
"You heard me! I get that you want to stay in character but come on! I want to actually have a conversation! Why are you being so rude?!"

"_HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?!_"  
"I have never been treated with such disrespect in my entire life! I have done nothing but be kind to you and compliment your cosplay!" She raised her hand above her head and tried to slap the confused freelancer. Just as she was bringing her hand down, Maine grabbed her wrist in an iron grip and started growling, his face contorted in anger.

Maine simply headbutted her face, causing her to fall down and black out.

"Hey! Maine! We're in enough trouble as is!" A voice yelled at him. It was North!

North was wearing a Polo Shirt, Jeans, and Sneakers. He had 7 bags on him.

He picked up a bag and chucked it at Maine.

"Here's some clothes!" He informed Maine and then left.

Maine quickly inspected the bag and immediately found an ascot.

**(A.N.: ****An ascot tie, or ascot, is a narrow neckband with wide pointed wings, traditionally made of pale grey patterned silk. This wide, formal tie is usually patterned, folded over, and fastened with a stick pin or tie tack.)**

"_HISSSS?_"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In Doormart at the same time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

C.T. was in the grocery store buying groceries. Well, buying as much as she could with her stolen money and stealing the small things that she couldn't afford.

North had already gotten to her, so she was wearing actual clothes instead of armour. She was wearing a graphic T-shirt, an unzipped light jacket, jeans, and boots.

C.T. didn't really know what to make of the situation. They somehow ended up on an alternate version of Earth set in the past, a good few hundred years before any of them were even supposed to be born.

She didn't know when, or even if they could get home. The whole thing was pretty depressing. They would probably have to live in this alternate Earth for the rest of their lives.

Applying for a job, getting meaningless money day after day just trying to make ends meet.

She put her thoughts aside as she bought the groceries and headed out to find Sarah and inform her.

~~~~~~~~~~We are done with the sads for now. Now to the bookstore!~~~~~~~~~~~

Carolina was horrified at the book she just read. Why would that horrible clown do that?! Some weird shit happened in the past.

She had gone to this bookstore to read historical books to figure out what happened up until now.

Back at Project Freelancer, the records for that time period were horribly incomplete, with only the names of a few major people.

So she picked up a few books and started reading.

But one of the books was a little different. Who knew that the past of this timeline had a fucking killer clown who turned into a giant spider?! That's two major fears right off the bat!

It just… Goes straight from the space age to the horror age? That's terrifying!

She slammed the book shut and looked at the cover.

"Let's see…" She started reading the back of the book to herself. "Stephen King's new book is the acme of… Fictional horror stories…"

She just sat there in silence for a while.

"GOD DAMMIT!" She yelled at the book as she chucked it back onto a shelf across the store.

The door to the bookstore opened and North walked through with normal clothes on. He had 6 bags on him.

He quietly walked over to Carolina and gave her one of the bags.

"Here's some clothes for you." He politely informed her.

"OK, thanks."

~~~At the TV section of the mall. You know what I'm talking about. It has a ton of TVs in it~~~

Wyoming was confused and angered at the sight before him. On the screens was him getting his ass handed to him on a platter by the reds and blues.

How did they even get that footage. More importantly, how was it recorded?! And oh god, is that what his voice sounds like? Is his accent really that fake sounding?

This was also slightly embarrassing as some people who have apparently watched it before recognized him as either Wyoming or a cosplayer of Wyoming.

He was in this one room in the mall with a lot of TVs, and for some reason, some were playing this annoying video that was exactly what happened when he got his ass kicked by the reds and blues.

It was embarrassing enough that they beat one of him, much less multiple copies of him!

He was grumbling as someone tapped him on the shoulder from behind.

"What do you want?" He asked rudely. He turned around and saw North there with 5

North then gave him one of the bags.

"Clothes." North quickly explained before turning around and leaving.

He looked in the bag and found a custom-made button that said '_I got beat up by nincompoops_'.

Needless to say, he threw that one at a TV.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In a Mall hallway~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Florida had camped himself on a bench next to a collapsed Newspaper Kiosk reading a rather recent Newspaper.

He had been camped out there for a while trying to find out if the Reds and Blues came to the alternate world and if so, where they went.

He had been carefully reading through the articles in the Newspaper.

He had been doing this for a while now. He eventually came across an article that piqued his interest.

"Hm…" He started reading it to himself. "Men in Blue armour arrested for trying to hijack car with a banana… Men in Red armour arrested for trying to shoot man in orange armour…"

He mentally face palmed.

North then walked over and set down a bag with some clothes next to him. North then walked away without saying anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~A god damn prank store. What could possibly go wrong?~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Was this it? Was this the best they had?  
York was at a prank shop. He was not impressed with the selection of pranks they had. They were so old!

He had apparently forgotten that he was in the past and that this stuff was popular at the time. Where were the fake plasma grenades that got slime everywhere? This prank store was terrible! York is just gonna have to make do with the crappy pranks available to him.

And one of the authors felt like breaking the fourth wall

York decided to stop whining about it and grabbed a few of these 'whoopie cushion' things. He had never seen them before.

They don't exist in the future. Time to figure out how they work. It looked like you're supposed to blow air into it. York did so (_without paying for it first. York you criminal :O)_ and then squeezed it. Momentarily being an immature idiot, he laughed at the sound the came from the rubber balloon thing.

He then blew back into it and got ready. Now then, how to use it?

He walked out of the store and immediately found Florida.

'_Time to shine_' He thought to himself as he crept up to Florida undetected.

He reeled back his throwing arm and chucked the Whoopie cushion at Florida's head.

It made the relaxing fart sound as it crashed into his face. Florida didn't even really acknowledge him.  
"That's not how it works, numb nuts!" Yelled a familiar voice. It was Sarah. The whole situation was hilarious but York has no damn clue what he's doing with that whoopie cushion.  
"You're supposed to put it on someones chair, not throw it at them!" Said Sarah while half jogging half walking over to them.

"OH."  
"Wait, did you pay for those?"

"No…."  
"Get your ass back in there and either put them back, or pay for them right now!"

"I don't understand the harm." North and C.T. said together as they walked up.

"I paid for these clothes with quote-on-quote fake money." North explained.

"And I bought these groceries with stolen money." C.T. added.

"Also, that reminds me." North handed a bag of clothing to York. "This is for you."  
"I'm not gonna yell, I'm not gonna yell, I'm not gonna yell, I'm not gonna yell…" Said Sarah repeatedly. She could feel her earlier anger resurfacing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the Mall entrance~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tex stood there, just staring at the unconscious teenager laying on the ground.

It was weird. After she punched Happy, he didn't react at all.

At first she thought that she had gotten weaker as a result of this world.

Then later, when a girl came running over to him, he got a large bruise on his cheek and got moved forcefully to the ground. He seemed to be unconscious after that.

So she was confused as it was, but she became even more confused when the girl ran over to Happy and started shaking him.

"LORD SATAN! WAKE UP!" The girl yelled at him.

Tex raised an eyebrow that no one could see.

North then walked over, with 2 bags in his hands and Sarah lecturing him about stealing.

He handed one of the bags to her.

"Clothes." He explained.

"No thanks." She responded. "I prefer armour."

"Suit yourself. Also, do you know where South is?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In a random Alleyway~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Next time you should fucking think twice before you try to touch me you creep!" Yelled South.  
Oh wait, one of the authors has put you in a little too far. Let's go back a bit shall we?  
~Ten minutes earlier~  
South was walking down the street. She bailed from the mall after Happy let out his devil screech.

At the current moment, she was walking past an alleyway. She had robbed a clothing store earlier and had on normal clothes.  
"Nice rack, sweetheart." Said a slightly drunk sounding voice.  
"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Said South as she whipped around to face the drunk man.  
"Woah there calm down! Take a damn compliment! You should feel lucky that I even noticed you."  
She clenched her fists and tried to not just kill him. She started walking away.  
"Hey, where are you goin'! The fun hasn't even started yet" Said the man as he grabbed onto her arm.

South quickly turned around and punched the creeper right in his face. She then kick-swept his legs out from under him.

He fell flat on his back, getting the wind knocked out of him in the process. But South didn't stop there. She kicked him in the side repeatedly, then stomped her foot down onto his face and broke his nose. She gave him one last kick to the head.  
And this is how we got to where we are now.

"Next time you should fucking think twice before you try to touch me you creep!" Yelled South, like said before.

At that point she heard a slow clap. She looked at it, and saw North there with a single bag with clothes in it.

"Was that necessary?" He asked her.

"Yes. Completely." She responded.

"Well I see that you don't need these clothes that I… Kind of bought."

"Yup. But I'll take it anyway." She then snatched the bag out of North's hand.

"Well then."

North turned around and walked away, beckoning South to come with him. She did.

~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the mall~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now all of the Freelancers and Teenagers were gathered at the Mall entrance.

The Satanic Cashier had the Unconscious Happy slung over her shoulder.

Oh, shit! The authours forgot to give her a description!

Her crimson hair was down to her hips. Her eyes were a bright Teal colour. She was a little shorter than Sarah, but had on 4 inch heels that caused her to be 2 and a half inches taller than Sarah.

"So what's your name anyway?" Wash asked with an army of cats following him. He tamed them quickly.

"My name? It's Cristina. Cristina Wawrzaszek."

"The fuck kinda' last name is that?" Asked Sarah.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Cristina pulled out a Katana and pointed it at Sarah.  
"N-Nothing!"

"Good." The Katana was sheathed.

"How did we not see that before?" York asked curiously.

Suddenly, there was a noise. It sounded like…. Police sirens?

Then they heard a voice.

"THIS IS THE POLICE! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"

**And that's the chapter!  
**_Holy fuck this thing is long. It took forever to write. And can someone tell this idiot that author is spelled with only one 'u'?_

**AND CAN YOU TELL THIS UNCULTURED LITTLE SHIT THAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING SPELLED WITH TWO 'U's!?**

_AMERICAN ENGLISH DOESN'T USE THE EXTRA ONES._

**WELL AMERICAN ENGLISH IS INCORRECT!  
**_TELL THAT TO THE DICTIONARY AND SPELL CHECK._

**WELL IT'S AMERICAN SPELL CHECK, SO IT'S INCORRECT! Also, before we start WWIII, I just wanted to let you know about Mini-Chapter Blancos. Ms. Italics, take it away!  
**_Chapter Blancos are little mini-chapters with all the weird shit we couldn't put into the official chapter. They're short and go with the author's note at the end of each chapter._

**I WILL BE WRITING THIS CHAPTER'S MINI-CHAPTER BLANCO! RIGHT NOW! Also, not all chapters will be this long.**

Agent Maine had walked into a McLonalds and was at the counter.

"Hello. Welcome to McLonalds, may I take your order?" The cashier droned.

"_HISSSSSSSSSSSS!_" Maine… Responded?

"Would you like fries with that?"

"_HISSSSSSSS!_"

"OK, yeah. I got ya'." She turned around to the Kitchens. "AN ORDER OF _HISSSSSSSSSSSS! _WITH A SIDE OF FRIES!"

After a while, someone walked over to him with a tray. It had a weird crate and a side of fries.

He walked over to a table, sat down, and opened the crate.

Out of the crate came a dozen cats. They mewled, purred, and meowed in a symphony of sorts.

'_What the fuck am I going to do with a bunch of cats?_' Maine thought.

But then a pair of arms scooped up the cats. Maine looked up to see Wash, who began walking backwards out of the McLonalds.

"You saw _nothing_." He said before walking out entirely.


	3. Fuck the Fourth Wall

_New chapter this week! Sorry for not posting one last time._

**We hate you.  
**_No we don't. He's just an idiot._

**MARSHMALLOW TREES ON MY HEAD!  
**_And he also needs psychiatric help._

**I WOULD NOT EAT A LIVING DUCK!  
**_See what I mean?_

**VIVA LA PLUTO! YOUR SHINING SMILE CARESSES ME TO SLEEP!  
**_Can you lay off the drugs for one minute? We have things to do._

**Never eat baby wipes.  
**_I'm gonna kill him one of these days._

**SHE'S A CALCULATOR!  
**_He was too lazy to do a part of his math homework and tricked me into doing it for him._

**NOW THEN! WE RETURN TO OUR REGULARLY-SCHEDULED PROGRAM!**

"God fucking dammit!" Yelled Sarah. Of fucking course the cops showed up! Why wouldn't they? "Just do what they say, or I will personally kick all of your asses!"

They were already in enough trouble as it was and she was not putting up with it anymore.

"Did someone say smoked enchiladas?" Happy's voice barely even whispered from his location on Cristina's shoulder.  
Sarah let out a sigh of annoyance and defeat. "No Happy, no one said that."

The cops rushed into the mall. One police officer, who looked rather important, pulled out a megaphone.

"Just come with us quietly and nothing bad will happen to you. We promise." The officer yelled unnecessarily through the megaphone.

"I'D RATHER DIE THAN LET YOU TAKE MY LORD SATAN!" Cristina yelled at the crowd, pulling out her Katana.

"You better fucking not. Put the katana down right now." Said Sarah.

"NO! FUCK YOU!" South yelled at the cops, readying her gun.

"South, stop. You're digging a deeper hole for us."

"The hole's too deep to get out of." Tex remarked, and then readied her gun. "So it doesn't matter anymore."  
"Just stop it already! Two of you already have your guns out, and this crazy bitch has her katana! We're already in enough trouble as it is!"

"I'm not letting anyone beat me." Carolina remarked as she readied her gun. At this point, everyone else simultaneously decided to ready their guns.

"Cristina?" Happy barely whispered again. "Now might be a good time to run. There will most likely be casualties."

"As you wish." Cristina responded before dashing in the other direction.

"I said to just listen to them! Is it that hard to understand?!" Sarah yelled, her voice cracking. More cop cars came from down the street.

Delta appeared on York's shoulder.

"At this point, while there is a high probability that we would win in a battle royale fight, there's an even higher probability of casualties on our side. A moving fight in several directions is the recommended strategy." He said briefly.

"You heard him." York announced to the others. Luckily, the cops were set-back a bit by Delta. "CHARGE! In the other direction!" They turned around and run the other way, similarly to Cristina.  
Sarah didn't run with them. She just stood there. After standing there for a few seconds, something snapped within her. She started screaming. Screaming at the top of her lungs. She dropped to her knees and clutched her head, still screaming. Tears were pouring down her face as she continued to scream.

The stress of everything that had happened that day had finally gotten to her. She was having a complete mental breakdown. She stopped screaming and curled into a fetal position on the ground and started to violently cry. And she just stayed there. She stayed on the floor crying her eyes out.

"SOMEONE DETAIN HER!" The main officer yelled in fright.

After that, 3 men in bomb squad suits walked out of the crowd of cops and picked her up. She didn't resist,or even notice. She was far too lost in her mental state.

Several troops of police officers then rushed towards the Freelancers, who were making their escape.  
As they were running, the cops pulled out guns of their own. The first shot was fired at Wash, who easily dodged it (?: by tripping X3). The police continued to fire at the Freelancers. They continued to miss their target. Their skills were not as advanced as the Freelancers. One of the cops had managed to somewhat catch up with Wash and attempted to tackle him, but only succeeded in getting a face full of dirty mall floor tile.

Carolina turned around and shot one of the cops, who fell down instantly.  
It was clear the the Freelancers were more skilled than the police force, but it sure as hell didn't stop them from trying.

One police officer got the bright idea to drive his car through the mall in order to try to catch up with them. He revved up the motor and drove through the abandoned kiosks and groceries. He had his partner in the shotgun seat, and she had a tranquilizer gun (?: Like that's gonna do much).

He drove the car faster to catch up to Cristina, who was currently running through the food court.

The car started catching up, so the partner hung out of the window and yelled at the retreating late-teenager.

"STOP OR WE WILL BE FORCED TO TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES!" She yelled.

"**NEVER! **I WILL PROTECT MY LORD SATAN AT ALL COSTS!" Cristina responded.

The female officer didn't even respond. She just pulled out her tranquilizer gun and shot Cristina twice.

Cristina…. Didn't respond in anyway. She didn't slow down or anything.

She did, however, do a backflip, landed on the car hood, took another 5 shots, and knocked out the front axle of the car.

The car immediately skidded across the ground and did a flip, causing it to land upside-down, taking out 2-3 supports.

Cristina kept moving, until after about 15 minutes, she fell down, dropping Happy.

The other cops quickly rushed them and detained them.  
Back with the freelancers, they were still running from the cops. Shots were still being fired at them and so far, the cops had only managed to graze them on their arms and legs. Dear Christ these cops couldn't shoot for shit.

So after the horrible failure with the giant car, a different cop decided to drive their motorcycle through the mall.

They immediately drove directly towards Tex.

Hold on. Did we just write that? Did we just write someone committing suicide? We may have to put up a trigger warning… (?: Maybe, yeah) **(Mr. Bold: Who are you?) **(?: Wouldn't you like to know, BB Butter Bold?) **(Mr. Bold: OK… Ignoring that, on with the fanfiction…?) **(?: Yup Yup :D)

The Freelancers all stumbled in shock at the man's obvious lack of self preservation. Needless to say, the man was blasted off into the distant horizon.

An anonymous person from somewhere in the shadows cackled like a hyena before shouting "TEAM ROCKET IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" and then promptly scampered away.

**(Mr. Bold: Wait, that wasn't in what we planned…)**(?: Yeah, It wasn't :3 I felt like it was missin something, so I meddled! Heh hehe)_(Ms. Italics: You two are making this way more crack-filled than it needs to be.) _(?: The crackier the better :D It's a lot more fun dis way) **(Mr. Bold: Well… Let's just continue…)**

Story continues now!

Tex wiped her hands as if getting rid of nonexistent dirt before she turned and left at a noticeably more leisurely pace. Why rush when she could easily handle these practically untrained ants?  
She paused as she spotted the motorcycle that was left behind before she grabbed it. She then started driving away on the motorcycle that the cop, who she punched into orbit, left behind.

The police were still chasing her as she drove away. She then noticed a fireworks store up ahead and pulled out a grenade. As she got closer, she pulled the grenade pin and threw it into the store.  
A few short seconds after that, the grenade exploded as the cops were passing the store. The fireworks exploded in a spectacular fashion as the cops were blown backwards by the force of the explosion.

Unfortunately, one or a dozen of the cops were blasted towards the other freelancers who were trailing behind.

Maine managed to bat away any of them that came toward him but York and Wash were not so lucky. One of the bodies had come at York from his blind spot so he got knocked to his ass with an unresponsive cop on top of him.

Wash was in a similar position, but instead of one cop on him, it was a small mountain. Unlike York, who had the excuse of being half blind, Wash just didn't react fast enough. Either way, life is trying to say that Wash cannot be cool for any real extended period of time.

Carolina had dodged all the hurtling debris known as flying bodies with ease, hopping and ducking and such around them like a Jackrabbit on a sugar high. She did this while grumbling under her breath about Texas though.

North and South had managed to mostly be exempt from the barrage with only a few times needing to bat away and dodge cops calmly. Well, North did this calmly, South was a colorful rainbow with her words.

Tex was circling around the mall, having fun blowing the officers literally out of the park. She watched as some of them flew through a prank store and into the Whoopie-Cushion aisle.

Then something happened. The cop that previously had the motorcycle obviously had no clue what a gauge was, so the fuel was almost empty. In fact, it was! As soon as she got to a really sharp turn!

Luckily, being Tex, she was able to escape the crash site easily, but the motorcycle flew through a wall into an electronics store. Sparks flew everywhere and barely grazed Tex's shoulder.

However, the sparks did temporarily distract Tex long enough for a cop to get a shot in. The bullet hit her leg, but her armour absorbed the attack, so it didn't matter.

One man in his late 40s, with short gray hair and piercing green eyes reviewed the battle so far.

Subject A(York) appeared to be half-blind, Subject B(Wash)'s reflexes weren't as good as the others, but it was good enough to dodge all attacks so far.

Subject C(Sarah) was obviously not with the others, but she did drive fear into the hearts of his men, but whether it was accidental or on purpose was yet to be seen.

Subject D(Happy) had unknown abilities and motives, as he was inactive thus far. Subject E(Cristina) seemed oddly protective of Subject D(Happy), he had possibly convinced her that he was Satan and she was a satanist.

A likely reason for her confusion was the roar from before. If Subject D(Happy) was the one that caused the roar, it would be paramount that the officers with him keep him unconscious.

Subject E(Cristina) was also extremely dangerous and skilled with a Katana. She was equally resistant to tranquilizers.

Subject F(Delta) was unknown. He(?) temporarily showed up on Subject A(York)'s shoulder and warned them of the danger of fighting the officers head-on. He(?) could be a challenge to overcome.

Subject G(Maine) hadn't done anything major throughout the entire battle, but he definitely didn't care about the well-being of others, as shown by him batting the barrage of officers out of his way with ease.

Subject H(Tex) was the most dangerous so far. She also had little to no real care in watching out for her accomplices, either not caring, or trusting in their ability to deal with whatever came their way.

Subject I(Carolina) was the closest to Subject H(Tex)'s level in the field, but fell behind every time so far.

He didn't have time to analyze any others due to a TV being thrown at him.

"JESUS!" He screamed as he dropped to ground to avoid the common household appliance hurtling towards him.

Who threw that? He cycled through possibilities. He immediately thought of Subject G(Maine) and subject H(Tex). Both were likely.

While he was curious, he had a plan. And he was going to put that plan into action. He turned on the walkie-talkie on his shoulder to contact his men in the field.

Shortly afterwards, Tex ran into another cop on a motorcycle, driving towards her. Once again, she kicked the officer off of the bike and set him flying across the mall towards the others.

As she looked that way, she saw that the others were being assaulted over and over again by cops on all sides. Except for York, who was being mostly assaulted on his blind side.

As the cop she kicked flew towards them, he… Broke apart…?

It wasn't a cop! It was a decoy! The decoy cop broke apart limb by limb and flew towards the others. When they got within range, they blew up!

The explosions weren't enough to deal serious damage, but it did distract them long enough for the cops to subdue York after sticking to his blind spot. Wash, Florida, and C.T. tried to help him, but they also got captured after having an larger group of cops against them.

After those were caught, Wyoming and Maine got subdued by the even larger group of cops.

South also got taken down after being shot in the leg twice. North was subdued after being tased. Many, many, times.

After that, a mixture of tasing, stun grenades, tranquilizers, and ropes, took down Carolina.  
The cops trying to arrest Tex had not been so lucky as the others. They were failing miserably at trying to capture her.

Every tactic they tried failed. They tried tasing her but her armor just deflected it. They tried shooting her but she dodged the bullets with minimal effort. Hell, they even tried throwing nets at her! But Tex just ripped right through them.

She was doing so well against the cops that she had gotten a little cocky. She wasn't paying attention to her surroundings as she was running.

One minute, she's running from the cops, dodging bullets, and smirking under her helmet. The next minute, she's flat on the ground with handcuffs being put on her, all because of some RANDOM ASS OBJECT ON THE GROUND THAT TRIPPED HER.

Every cop within a 50-mile radius was doing their best to keep Tex from killing them. Even the analysis man from before was holding on for dear life!

They eventually got enough tranquilizers through the cracks in the armour for her to go unconscious.

They carried her over to the others outside of the mall, North furiously jittering. They set her down and fastened her down with the largest and sturdiest clamps they could find.

A little bit after they did that, they heard a rumbling cracking noise. The entire mall started shaking violently. Cops did their best to run out of the mall as fast as they could.

The other cops tried to get as far away from the mall as possible. About a few minutes later, the rumbling cracking got louder, and sounded more like crashes. The shaking intensified.

After a minute, the mall shook violently, roared with crashing noises, and finally collapsed. Rubble and debris went everywhere as some bits of kiosks were flung at cops, crashing into the officers, sending them home in an ambulance.

The analysis man from before turned to everyone that they subdued.

"You're paying for that." He informed them, his voice like smooth gravel.

As usual, South unleashed a rainbow of colourful swear words.

"Anyway.." He continued, pulling out an FBI badge. "My name is Noe Laelius Burrell. Executive Assistant Director for Criminal, Cyber, Response and Services Branch."

"Pretty important, aren't you? What are you doing here?" Said… Cristina.

"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU AWAKE?!"

"I have worshipped Satan, and he has given me power."

"That's nice…. Well… Anyway… That city-spanning roar was pretty tantalizing. I'm here on vacation time."

"Hey, why aren't you resisting anymore?" C.T. asked Cristina.

"My lord has opened his thoughts to me and I saw that he doesn't wish to make anymore of a scene." She answered briefly, shifting into a position where she could more easily protect Happy.

"Oh."

Noe gave them a short announcement.

"I have split you up into two groups: Group A and Group B. Group A's going to a smaller prison, and Group B is going to High-security." He quickly told them.

"Who's in group A?" C.T. asked.

"Judging from what we have observed, Sarah and Happy."

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MY LORD SATAN!" Cristina yelled.

"Already have."

Cristina turned towards Happy, but he was there. Actually, he wasn't. It was another decoy.

"We're exceptionally good at making decoys." He added.

"_**I WILL PERSONALLY DRAG YOU INTO THE DEPTHS OF HELL AND HAVE A FLOCK OF TURTLES DEVOUR YOUR LIVER FOR BREAKFAST!**_"

"No need for torture! You're in Group B!"

So, after being tranquilized again **(Mr. Bold: It took 12 darts this time)**, Cristina and the Freelancers were transported to Ironbolt Holding Center, which was underneath a minor Irish city.

Happy and Sarah were of course transferred to a smaller prison a city or two away.

Happy had waken up at this point, but Sarah was fast asleep.

Happy was put into a different cell than Sarah, but he quickly found out that was the least of his worries.

In his cell.. Well…. The blues were there. Don't ask him why, he didn't know. Neither do the authors. In Sarah's cell were the reds.

"WHAT. **THE. ****FUCK.**" He exclaimed.

_Writer's block is a bitch._

**I eat babies.**

_Ignore him. Anywhores, we're sorry we didn't post a chapter last week._

**Yeah. Also, we don't know car anatomy, so that scene where MOTHERFUCKING CRISTINA beats a car with a Katana by knocking out the axle, probably not possible. Don't try at home, Kiddos.**

_Yeah, that whole thing was kinda crazy. And holy shit the fourth wall doesn't even exist in this chapter._

**Anyway, MINI-CHAPTER BLANCO! I CAME UP WITH EVERYTHING FOR THIS ONE!**

_Just so we're clear on this, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. IT WAS ALL HIS DOING. DO NOT BLAME THIS ON ME._

**Anyway, on with the insanity.**

It was way back to the beginning, where the cops were at the entrance of the mall. This time, however, there was a literal barricade of cops.

"THIS IS THE POLICE! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP! WE HAVE A SQUAD OF EXORCISTS AT THE READY!" A cop yelled at them.

At that moment, Happy did a triple back flip off of Cristina's shoulder and did a full split on the ground.

"I'LL SCREAM IN ALL THEIR EARS!" Happy proclaimed. He then picked up a blueberry bar off of the floor and bit into it. "EW!"

He immediately spit it out onto the floor.

"Anyway…" He started. "CRISTINA! PLAN 80-UNO!"

"Got it." Cristina responded.

Happy then got down on the floor… And started breakdancing….

Then Cristina started beatboxing. They had apparently rehearsed this in the 5 minutes they knew each other… And he was unconscious…

This continued for about a minute, until the cops got involved… By singing…

"_**BANANEN HABEN KALIUM!**_" They started singing angrily.

After a few seconds, the Freelancers joined in.

"Amhrn na bhFiann

"Seo dhibh a chirde duan glaigh,

"Cathrimeach briomhar ceolmhar,

"r dtinte cnmh go buacach tid,

"'S an spir go min raltogach!" They started singing in a… Horrible Swedish accent.

A full minute passed by before Sarah decided to get involved.

She took out her clarinet, and started playing Death Metal music. Specifically, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. **(Mr. Bold: She technically can't do this for several reasons, but hey, it's chapter Blanco)**

Then Noe came out with an electric guitar and giant amplifiers. He set them up, and got ready.

After a little bit of warm-up, he started playing Mozart….

After about an hour of this fucked-up concert, they stopped.

They smiled, laughed, hugged each other, complimented others, etc.

"Ha-ha-ha!" Noe said as he pat Happy's back. "You're still arrested."

"Damn."


	4. Jail break, Part 1

**I EAT PETUNIAS FOR BREAKFAST!**_  
I'd tell you to ignore him but it's his fault we're posting this one late._

**I did several stupids this time…  
**_He sure did. Got all electronic items taken away._

**Woops, I did it again. **

*I am but a figment of the mind, but Bolddy is a dumbfuck* * = ghostly whispa this time

_How do you do WORSE on a retake?!_

**I DON'T KNOW! But this test that I just took should be a 100% *Knocks on wood*  
**_You better. I'd like to finish this fanfiction before my forties. _

**Now wouldn't that be fun….  
**_Whatever. Let's get this chapter started. We're gonna do a little experimenting with this one._

**We're not gonna' write anything! Just a blank page!  
**_He's gonna kill me with his stupidity one of these days._

**You just smell the words.  
**_I don't even know anymore. I've learned to accept comments like that._

**I'll kill all of you in your sleep.  
**_I have abandoned all hope for his sanity. _

*whispers* I am just a figment of the imagination, don't mind me. Doot Doot

**With that said, FUCK YOU (Not really)! CHAPTER NOW!**

_**1st person POV - Sarah**_

The first thing I noticed as I was waking up was that something was poking my arm. The second thing I noticed was that my head hurt like a bitch. I guess crying like a two year old can do that to you.  
Ignoring my pounding headache, I opened my eyes only to see a maroon colored helmet above me.  
"What the hell?" I said in confusion.

"You're awake!" Simmons yelled.

"DON'T LOOK OVER HERE!" Yelled… Someone who I thought was Happy..  
"Where the hell am I? Wait a minute. You sound a lot like Simmons. Are the fucking reds and blues here too?!" I yelled in anger and confusion.  
Just fucking great. First the freelancers make me have a mental breakdown and now I'm in what I assume to be a prison with the reds and blues.

"SOMEONE SAVE ME!" A voice yelled from behind me.

"SHUT UP!" Happy yelled in response… I still couldn't see anything behind me. Obviously, it's not like I have eyes at the back of my head.

I turned around and audibly gasped in surprise at the sight before me. Sarge was beating up a guard! I felt my anger from earlier today(?) resurfacing as I got up and walked towards them.  
"What the hell are you doing?!" I yelled.

"Uh…" Happy started. "GRIF! PUT THE SACK OVER HER HEAD!"

The world immediately went dark as, presumably, Grif put a sack over my head.

"You saw nothing." Sarge said before… I think continuing to beat up the guard judging from the sounds that followed.  
I pulled the sack off of my head. Of course Grif wouldn't hold me back after putting it on my head.  
After regaining my sight, I got closer to Sarge and grabbed the closest object to me, which happened to be a book, and started beating him over the head with it  
"Stop! Beating! Up! The! Fucking! Guard!" I said, each word following a hard hit to the head.

A shadow watched amusedly from the corner, not a person but a literal shadow. You don't need to worry your pretty little heads over it just yet. It doesn't even have any real relevance at the moment. It's just something I thought you would like to know is a potential thing. ((?: Haha! Yes my little shadows, appear!~)) **((Mr. Bold: Wat)) **((?: oH! Hahaha ahaha...nothing . . ;3))  
I had felt like I had gotten my point across well when I was tackled from the side and forced into a bone crushing hug.  
"Dear Christ thank you! I thought he was gonna kill me!" Said a voice. It came from the body that was currently gripping onto me tightly.  
"What the fuck?! Get off of me!" I yelled while struggling. I had no fucking idea who this guy was! I tried to get free but because of how small I was, and how strong he was, I couldn't.  
Why did I have to be so fucking tiny?!  
"I am forever in your debt!" He said while hugging me tighter. It was getting kinda hard to breathe now. After about ten more seconds of this, I kneed him in the crotch and broke free.  
"Don't fucking touch me you creep!" I yelled at him.

**((Mr. Bold: Um… So… Do you know how to continue?)) **_(( : Nope.)) _**((Mr. Bold: RIGHTY-ZERO! LET'S CONTINUE ON WITH THE PLAN!))**

_**1st person POV - Happy (Previous day)**_

No matter what it looked like before, that was the day after the mall incident.

I was not in that day… Yet...

Anyway, I was in the cell with the Blues, and Sarah was in the adjacent cell with the Reds. It was fairly late in the day, as I could tell by the barred window.

Caboose grabbed me by my shoulders and started violently shaking me.

"WHERE IS CHURCH?!" He wailed despairingly.

"I DON'T KNOW!" I yelled back, very confused.

"He went into the car to hijack it, but then you tried to use a banana to do the same effect, but then we were caught." Tucker explained.

Caboose hummed before nodding, suddenly letting go of Happy and pulling the aforementioned banana out of seemingly no where. Perhaps from some sort of hidden compartment in his armor? Who knows and who really cares?

ANYWAYS, He holds it proudly with an exclamation of "I HELPED A WHOLE BUNCH OF BLUE GUYS TAKE NAPS WITH THIS! Cuz I like naps, and I'm blue. They were blue so they must like naps too! But they were being mean so I thought they probably didn't take their nap yet and were grouchy! So I sang them aaaaaalllllllllllllllll a lullaby and put them to sleep! They were just liiiike little babies Tucker!" He chirped before pausing and deflating a bit "But they bruised Mr. Yellow peel so I had to make some of them apologize to Mr. Yellow Peel! They…..didn't like that idea…." He sulked, cradling the bruised banana to his chest as he sat in the corner with a wail. "I WANT MY BEST FRIEND AND I WANT MR. YELLOW TO BE OKAY!" He curled up around the banana.

"That's… Nice… I'm… Gonna'... Go to sleep now…" I explained. I then promptly laid on the bed and fell asleep.

Well… Kinda'. I laid on the bed and blinked. When I opened my eyes, it was the next day.

"Hey! You've been asleep for a while now! Wake up!" I heard a voice… Simmons' voice… Say. "There's a weird Green-haired kid in here! She's unconscious!"

"Asleep for a while?" I inquired. "I just laid on the bed and blinked. I don't even feel like I just slept."

"Well, you were asleep for… 12 hours now."

"JESUS CHRIST!"

"And…. The Green Kid?"

"She's my friend. And… She's 14."

"Still a kid."

"OK."

I looked around, and saw both Tucker and Caboose asleep, the latter still holding a banana.

In the other cell, Sarah was unconscious, Grif was staring down the lock, Simmons was up against the bars, and Sarge was yelling at Sarah to no avail.

"I have an idea." I announced in my half-delirious state. "We wait for a guard and then we-"

"Hey! Stop that!" A cop yelled when he walked around to me. "No one's breaking out on my watch."

I didn't respond. I simply clenched my hand into a fist… And promptly punched him in the crotch.

"Take that!"

The guard grabbed his crotch and fell to the ground in pain. Tucker looked at me, guarded his crotch, and walked further to the back of the cell.

I bent down to get the keys from his belt, and I found them! But they were _just _out of my reach! Godammit!

Caboose promptly woke up and walked over next to me with a banana.

"Me and Mr. Yellow got this!" He exclaimed.

He then stuck the banana into the lock on the cell door and started turning it.

JUST BEFORE I _FACEPALMED_, IT _**FUCKING WORKED!**_

THERE WAS _CLICK _AND IT _**FUCKING OPENED!**_

"That…" I started, confused. "_**WHAT THE FUCK?!**_"

Calming down, I bent down and picked up the keys off of the guard. I then quickly unlocked the Reds' cell and let them out.

Sarge immediately burst out of the cell and started beating up the guard. Simmons started poking Sarah, and Grif got a sack… For some reason…

That's when it happened. The most horrible thing. Ever.

"What the hell?" I heard come from… Sarah's spot…  
"You're awake!" I then heard Simmons yell in response.  
"DON'T LOOK OVER HERE!" I yelled.  
"Where the hell am I? Wait a minute. You sound a lot like Simmons. Are the fucking reds and blues here too?!" I heard Sarah yell. She sounded angry and confused.  
"SOMEONE SAVE ME!" The guard currently getting beaten up by Sarge said.  
"SHUT UP!" I yelled back at him.  
Sarah suddenly turned around and gasped at the sight of the guard getting the shit beat out of him.  
"What the hell are you doing?!" She yelled. She didn't sound happy. She sounded quite angry actually.  
"Uh…." I started. "GRIF! PUT THE SACK OVER HER HEAD!" Grif put the sack on her head. But that's all he did. He didn't restrain her or anything. He just put it on her head and didn't do anything else. What kind of lazy idiot does that?! Oh wait...  
I shot a glare at him, and he simply responded with a shrug of his shoulders.  
"You saw nothing." Sarge said before he started beating up the guard again.  
Sarah pulled the sack off of her head and grabbed a book. She then started beating Sarge over the head with it.  
"Stop! Beating! Up! The! Fucking! Guard!" She said while continuously hitting him in the head. _(( : Miss Author-Chan is too lazy to rewrite that scene exactly how it was in Sarah's point of view.)) _**((Mr. Bold: Author-Chan? *Snickers*)) **_(( : Shut up you dick biscuit. I write what I want.))  
_After Sarah had finished abusing Sarge with a book, he was distracted enough for the guard to get free. He got up off the ground and tackled Sarah into a hug.  
"Dear Christ thank you! I thought he was gonna kill me!" Said the guard while hugging Sarah. She didn't look too pleased about this.  
"What the fuck?! Get off of me!" She yelled while trying to get the fuck away from him. It wasn't working. At all.

"I am forever in your debt!" He said while hugging her tighter. After about ten more seconds of this, she kneed him in the crotch and broke free.  
"Don't fucking touch me you creep!"

"Not… Again…" He whispered as he fell to the ground. Sarah immediately turned to us.

"AGAIN?!"

"Yeah…" I started to explain. "That's… How we escaped….."

"By kicking him in the balls?! That's my job and you fucking know it!"

"Technically, I punched him."  
"I don't care! Why did you hit him in the first place?! He was just doing his job! And was beating him up necessary?!"

"We needed to get out! And Sarge beat him up!"  
"My point still stands!"

I started arguing with her for a while, but not much else happened.

**((Mr. Bold: HORRIBLE SEGUE!))**

_**3rd person**_

Happy and Sarah were arguing for quite some time when Tucker woke up and got the guard's ID.

"What the fuck kind of name is that?" He exclaimed as he read it.

"Give me that." Happy said as he snatched it from Tucker's hands and read it. "OH. MY. GOD. SARAH. LOOK."

"What?" She asked in response.

"It's… JUST LOOK?" He showed her the ID.

It was a normal ID, but what was important… Was the name….

'_Yechezkel Wawrzaszek.'  
_"There's a fucking 'nother one?!"

"Have you met my sister Cristina?" Yechezkel asked. "She's nice."

"What does that say? Yellow?" Sarge asked after reading it. "And… Warchaloopee?"

"What… The. Fuck." Yellow (Sure. Why not) said, before falling completely unconscious.

"Shit. I think we killed Yellow." Happy proclaimed.  
"He isn't dead, dumbass. He just fell unconscious. Probably because SOMEONE decided that it was a good idea to beat him up." Said Sarah while glaring at Sarge.

"Whatever. Leave him there. Let's go."  
"Yeah.I'm fucking done with this and I wanna go home."  
~~~~~~~~~Time skip to Sarah's house because fuck you~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sarah, Happy, the reds, and the blues had just arrived at Sarah's house. Why she let the reds and blues come still remains a mystery.  
Sarah had just opened the door when a look of pure hatred formed on her face.

The freelancers were in her house again and she was not happy with them. At all.

She was beyond furious with them for what happened at the mall. They didn't listen to her, pulled their guns out, and got into a huge chase with the cops!

And to top it off, they left her there causing her to have a mental break down! Who wouldn't be pissed at that?!

"Sarah, you would not believe the day we…." Wash started. "WHAT IS THAT BEHIND YOU?!"  
Sarah just glared at him and then turned to Happy, silently ordering him to give an answer for her.

"Um… In our cells were the reds and blues. Church excluded." He explained.  
Before anyone had a chance to say anything, Sarah snapped on them.  
"Do you assholes know the stress you have caused me over the past day?! I wake up, find you in my house, find out you locked my parents in their room, and SHOT MY BROTHERS FUCKING LEG OFF!" Yelled Sarah, But she wasn't done yet. Oh no, she was just getting started.

"Then, when we get to the mall, you fucking scatter and get yourselves into even more trouble! And THEN, when the god damn cops show up and I tell you to just let them arrest you, you instead pull your fucking guns out!" By this point her face was bright red with anger.  
"Then fucking DELTA gives the bright idea to run! You wanna know what happened after you ran? I had a complete mental fucking break down! I was screaming and crying because I couldn't take all of the stress you put on me! I collapsed into a crying mess on the ground! I don't even fucking know what happened after that because I passed out! The next thing I know I'm waking up in a cell with these assholes, and one of them is beating up a guard!" She screeched at them while gesturing to the reds and blues with her hand. She was absolutely livid by this point.  
She took a few deep breaths to try and calm down before speaking again.  
"I hope you're proud of yourselves" She said as calmly as she could before turning and stomping up the stairs.

Then came a noise… A screech… From Sarah's room…

**Wat  
**_Sarah is not happy right now. And now she's screaming. Again._

**What about her brother? It's been 12+ hours…  
**_Uhhhhh. I'll get back to you on that one._

**He's dead, isn't he?**

_No. He's just unconscious from blood loss._

**Have we shifted over to Yellow?  
**_Oh right, him. Why can't we give our OC's normal names?_

**Sarah's a normal name.  
**_She is literally the only one with a normal name in the entire story so far. Cristina doesn't count._

**Happy doesn't either, as his full name is Happy Spike Elliot.  
**_My point still stands._

**That was my point.**

_Whatever. Let's just get on with the crack filled train wreck that is known as chapter blanco. Again, I am not responsible for this one. It was all him._

**You were slightly involved in idea-making. As was another mysterious voice…  
**_Whatever, let's get this LSD trip over with._

?: *Cackling off to the side*

Back in the prison, there were more cops than just Yellow. In fact, there was a legion of cops.

Happy had a new idea this time. He pulled a small, red orb out of his pocket and threw it at them.

The orb hit the ground in front of the crowd and blew up, sending a red plasma to the crowd.

"Is this… Ketchup?" One of the cops asked.

"I love Ketchup." Happy stated before grinning like a madman.

A few minutes later, he was gnawing on an officer's leg, weighing him down.

The Reds and Blues had picked up various weapons to beat up the guards while Sarah was having another mental breakdown in the corner.

They (Reds and blues) were getting their asses kicked. Hard.

Then there was a noise. A loud, roaring noise. They looked in the sky, and saw a jet plane flying towards them.

The jet landed in front of the prison and transformed… IT WAS STARSCREAM.

He then started kicking and punching everyone regardless of who they were, cops or no.

Sarah then got off out of her mental breakdown and addressed Starscream.

"You've underestimated my greatest resource! Gang! Assemble!"

Then there was the noise of rolling wheels, as 32 6th-8th graders moved towards the prison on skateboards. Some were holding a banner that clearly said '_Fuck you Mom, I'm 12 now.'_

They had BB guns, airsoft guns, toy lightsabers, slingshots, golf clubs, a couple Uzis, etc.

"I acknowledge your gang, and I raise you Mach 3." Starscream explained.

He then took an energetic stance with his head held high, roaring.

"I'M MACHING UP!" Was what he roared as a bright light surrounded him and he grew long, blonde hair.

He then yelled some weird word and a large beam of blue energy shot out of his palms at the gang, destroying everything around them, but not them.

"Yo we put on Sky Michaels, now we invincible." They announced.

"Not so fast." A voice announced. IT WAS NOE! "I have infiltrated your gang, and I know your one true weakness!"

"How'd you infiltrate us?!" Sarah asked.

"Simple. I put on slacks and the newest Sky Michaels and no one looked up from my shoes to see how old I was! AND YOUR WEAKNESS! IS! GOOD MUSIC!"

He then pulled out a really unpopular music player and started laying Beatles music.

"NO!" Was the collective screech as everyone in the gang disintegrated.

"And as for Starscream, I have previously poked a hole in your gas tank."

"Shit." Was all he said before exploding.

"How'd he explode? He ran out of fuel!" Happy exclaimed.

"Ikari Warriors logic." Noe explained.

**Perfect. We're done!  
**_I have no explanation for this. I'm sorry. _

?: Meh, I haven't done too much this chapter, but don't expect this to be the last of me little Foxes! Arrrrrrrr! I be a pirate!

**With the "Ikari Warriors" joke, there's a game called Ikari Warriors where you can get a tank. If that tank runs out of fuel, it explodes.  
**_I'll just left him have his references. Mine will come later. See ya assholes, this chapter is over._


	5. Jail break, Part 2

**WE'RE WRITING THIS RIGHT AFTER THE LAST ONE!  
**_I was excited and wanted to write the beginning part. The rest of it however, I just wanted to get over with._

**I will killy your family.  
**_I seriously wonder about him sometimes._

**RUN AND HIDE, WON'T DO YOU NO GOOD.  
**_Someone please call a psychiatrist. And the FBI or something. We need someone to restrain him._

?: Don't you want to work with the coocoos when you're older? Or be a psychiatrist or smth?  
_Yes I do and who the hell are you and why are you in our author's note?_

?: Oh I believe you already know who I am~ But they don't, or do they? Well anyways, haven't you been listening when I've said that I am merely a figment of your imagination? You've known me all along! I guess you could say I am _you_, that I am **you **too, the both of ya, and that I am the reader as well!

**IGNORING THE MENTAL INSTABILITY OF THE WORLD, DID YOU SEE THAT… Chicken cross the road..?  
**_I don't even know anymore. let's just get on with the damn chapter._

Sarah had just stomped upstairs to get away from a certain group of people she was currently pissed at.  
She had just opened the door to her room when she saw something, or rather, someone sitting on her bed.  
"Hello! I am eternally grateful for what you did and wanted to thank you again, but you were gone when I woke up!" Said….Yellow?!  
Sarah stared at him in shock for a few seconds before screaming at the top of her lungs.

After a little bit of time, she was still screaming. Her cry was a mix of frustration, horror and whatever else she was probably feeling at the moment.

Why? Why was Yellow there?! They already had a clingy psychopath, they didn't need another! Just when it seemed like she wasn't going to stop screaming her throat raw, she did.

She raised her foot as if to do a karate kick, slamming it out and making contact with Yellow's crotch. When he curled up to cradle his abused manhood, she turned and bolted for the bathroom. Once there, she slammed it shut behind her and locked it. She was nop(e)ing as hard as she possibly could.

It hadn't been long before there was a pounding on the door. It was Yellow and he wanted her to come out. "My saviour, please come out! I did not wish to scare you!" He cried before letting out a dramatic wail. "I am dearly sorry, Messiah! I AM NOT WORTHY OF YOUR FORGIVENESS"

Sarah sat there, sweat dropping and feeling more than a little awkward over his extreme hero worship.

Luckily, at that moment, York walked up to Yellow from behind, staying stealthy.

"Closer…" He whispered to himself. "Closer…. NOW!" He promptly kicked Yellow in the crotch.  
Yellow curled up on the ground in pain."Not again!"

Afterwards, York stepped over and quickly unlocked the door.

"You OK?" He asked as he walked inside.  
Sarah ignored him. She was slightly traumatized, but she was still pissed at him. She simply got up, walked past him, over Yellow, and into her room.

Happy then crept up behind York, somehow completely unnoticed, and got next to his ear.

"HI THERE!" He yelled loudly, but not nearly as loudly as he did during the mall-shattering one. York yelped as he jumped. He quickly spun around to deck Happy out of instinct and surprise. ((?: Happy, has no one ever taught you not to sneak up on a freelancer? You'll get killed! Or at the very least punched! :P :3)) ((Happy(Somehow): Well, I'm pretty stupid sometimes))

"JESUS CHRIST HAPPY! DON'T FUCKING DO THAT!" York shrieked loudly.

"I believe the Lord of all Darkness and Demons has free will." Explained… Cristina, who we're now gonna' call WARCHALOOPEE, but usually in lowercase.

"Uhhh….Riiiiight…" York said with a sweatdrop.

"I'm not Satan!" Happy informed her loudly.

"YOU HAVE DEVELOPED AMNESIA! Oh, the woes of a mortal body." You probably know who's talking right now. Warchaloopee.  
"Can you yell somewhere other than outside my room?" Said Sarah.

"Oh..Uh, Sorry Sarah!" York apologized sheepishly as Delta appeared above his shoulder.

"I would suggest we move this conversation to either the kitchen or the yard as my calculations show that those locations may prove to be sufficient to yell in while avoiding the most disturbances to Sarah." Helpfully supplied the AI.

"Ah, Thanks D" Chirped York.  
"Can you just leave already?" Said Sarah in a very annoyed voice.

"But the Yard has fairy gnomes." Happy… Explained…?

"Uh, then what about the Kitchen?" York questioned.

"The cheese orcs have been rather lax lately."

"That's..good?" He really didn't know where Happy came up with any of this.

"We have to move quickly. The dust bunny spartans are amassing their forces."

York didn't even know how to respond to that, so he just shook his head and started to head back downstairs.

As York started to descend down the staircase, he hadn't noticed that something, or rather someone, had decided that they were going to curl up on the steps and take a nap.

It had been because of this negligence to check the stairs on York's part that he had failed to spot the sleeping Caboose there.

Now, Caboose had been minding his own business, taking his mid-day nap with Mr Yellow the banana when suddenly...BAM! York had ended up tripping over the blue and tumbling down the rest of the steps. ((?: Wish I had been there to see that XD))

ANYWAYS, York landed with a loud KUTHUD! followed by a groan.

"Mr. Yellow, did you say something?" Caboose sleep-asked.

And for a moment, York could've sworn he heard someone say 'NO'.

**((Mr. Bold: I suck at writing characters in a representative manner! This is necessary info for the next scene))**

~~~~~~~~~~~~Back Up in Sarah's Room and Away From This Crap~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sarah flopped onto her bed and groaned into her pillow. God she was pissed.  
"Why couldn't they have just listened to me?" She asked herself.

Then, out of nowhere, the TV in her room sparkled to life. It became all staticy, and the symbol Δ showed up, blazing emerald green. Then, Delta's voice shot out of it.

"I'm sorry, Sarah." He started talking. "However, I was right."

"What the hell? Delta? Why are you in my TV? More importantly, how are you right?" She asked, anger lacing her voice in the last question.

"It was the most logical thing to do at the time. If I hadn't said that, you would probably be dead."  
"How would I be dead?"

"Cops. Shooting. Boom-Boom."  
"Oh."

"Anyway, I'm sorry for being right."  
"That was a very out-of-character type thing for you to say. But I forgive you. You were only trying to do what was best. I'm still mad at everyone else for listening to you and leaving me to have a mental breakdown in the middle of the mall."

"Ok. Bye." The TV died out.

She laid there pondering for a bit, when the TV lit up again, like last time, but with a burning red Σ. Then came Sigma's voice.

"Listen up, I'm only going to say this once. Here's what went down after you left. Ok? Open those ears of yours for once." Sigma remarked. **((Mr. Bold: The way I write Sigma, he's just a giant dick.))**  
"Now hold the Goddamn phone you flaming bag of dicks!" Yelled Sarah. "You think you can just burst into my TV, tell me to listen to you, and just expect me to?! That is not happening! You are going to ask politely or I am not listening to you!"

"Shut up, you daft 3rd-grader."  
"What did you just say to me?! I will not be disrespected in my own room by some dick bag AI who I hate! Now ask nicely dammit!"

"I will turn you into a fine powder if you don't listen to my expostionary rant!"  
"Ask fucking nicely and I will! I hate you enough as it is! Don't give me any more reasons to hate you!"

"Listen here you filet- Wait. What the fuck are you doing?!" A purple Θ showed up on the screen and kicked the red Σ out of the way. Then came Theta's voice.

"Hi." He started a conversation, ignoring what just fucking happened.

" Hello Theta. What do you want?" (( _Miss Italics: Theta gets nice treatment because Theta is bae _))

"Do you want to hear about what happened?"  
"Sure. I think that's what Sigma was trying to tell me anyway. And I'd prefer you over him telling me."

"Well, it started in Ireland…" He trailed off, expecting a visual flashback.

~~~~~~~~In Ireland in flashback mode Mother Fuckers~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a dark room, in a secret underground prison in Ireland, North laid down, twitching violently, sparking visibly.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow." He started murmuring repeatedly with each spark.

Around that moment, the door opened, and Noe walked in. He seemed cheerful.

"It's Interrogation time!" He said sing-songly.

**((Mr. Bold: How this is gonna' work is Noe asks a question, and all freelancers answer in turn))** (( ?: I don't think they would answer but...how the F would I know? I'm just a figment. ))

"What's your name?" Noe.

"Agent Texas." Said Tex reluctantly. She didn't trust this guy.  
"Agent Carolina." Said Carolina.  
"Agent Washington." Said Wash.  
"Agent Connecticut." Said CT.  
"Agent New York." Said York.  
"Agent Wyoming." Said Wyoming.  
"*Growling noises*" Growled Maine.  
"His name is Agent Maine." Said Sigma after appearing for a brief moment.  
"A-Ag-g-gent N-N-N-N-North-th-th D-Dak-k-k-kota" Said North, still alive with electricity.  
"Agent South Dakota." Said South.  
"Agent Florida." Said Florida.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Said Warchaloopee.

"Where are you from?" Noe.  
"Well, uh, you see.." Wash started.  
"We're from, uh, a deserted island!" Continued York.  
"Yes! A deserted island off the coast of the, um, Gulf of Mexico! That's a place right?" Said Florida, whispering the last part to Wash.  
"And we were the only inhabitants of the island!" Continued Wyoming. Though it wasn't necessary. They have their story.  
Carolina glared at Wyoming.  
"Shut up Wyoming!" Said Carolina.

"Wisconsin." Warchaloopee.

"Why were you in that mall?" Noe.  
"We were visiting our extremely distant cousin Samantha and she took us to the mall." Said York.  
"Her name was Sarah you idiot!" Snapped Carolina.

"I work there." Warchaloopee.

"What exactly happened in the mall?" Noe.  
"Well, Sarah was kinda pissed off about an earlier incident so we decided to all split up and leave her alone for a while. So we went around to the different stores in the mall. We weren't familiar with how these types of things worked and ended up stealing a few things and the cops got called. When we got surrounded, Tex pulled out her gun. Sarah tried to stop her but she didn't listen. Then Carolina and South pulled out their guns. Sarah was still trying to stop us but it wasn't working. Delta then gave the idea to run, so we did. Then, obviously, the chase started. I also vaguely remember hearing someone screaming as I was running but that's not important. We were getting shot at we were all eventually captured." Explained Wash.

"I actually have a list of everything that was missing. A newspaper, 11 changes of clothes, 5 Whoopie cushions, a horror novel, and my personal favorite, ALL OF THE CATS. Where did these go?" Noe.  
"I took the newspaper." Said Florida.  
"I bought the clothes! It may not have been the right currency...But I still bought them!" Said North.  
"I took those whoopie cushion things." Said York.  
"I took the book." Said Carolina.  
And Wash just kinda stood there with an 'Oh shit' expression on his face.

"Anyway, and I probably should've asked this earlier, what the fuck is with those little people on your shoulders?" Noe.  
Before any of them could respond, Delta appeared on York's shoulder.  
"We are fragmented Artificial Intelligence units created from the original Alpha AI" Explained Delta.

"I must be on drugs." Noe muttered to himself while facepalming.  
"Uh, yeah. You are." Said York. He would have to scold Delta later for that. He almost blew their cover!

"Well, anyway, let's split you all up into separate interrogation rooms." Noe.

After that, they were split up into different rooms, each one isolated from the others. Noe then sat down in a table across from Tex, who was heavily chained down to the ground.

"Now then. You say that you all came from an Island off the gulf of Mexico, and you were the only inhabitants, is this correct?" Noe.  
"Yeah. That's what we said." Replied Tex, sounding none too happy about all of these damn chains.

"Then tell me. What was the name of said Island?" Noe.  
"It didn't have a name, dumbass! It was a deserted island with about a dozen inhabitants. Do you think it would have a name?" Snapped Tex. ((_Miss Italics: Holy fuck it's not even a real place. Why are you so into it. Then again, I don't even know. And I wrote this part!)) _**((Mr. Bold: *Facepalms*)) **(( ?: :3 ))

He then asked everyone else, all separately.  
"It was, um, Freelancer Island!" Was Wash's reply.  
"Land of Mercenaries" Was Carolina's reply.  
"I d-d-don-n't re-m-m-m-mem-b-b-ber" Was North's reply.  
"None of your damn business!" Was South's reply  
"Um…" Was York's very very continuous answer. Seriously. It lasted 2 and a half hours.  
"I have been waiting here for 3 hours, and you ask me something that stupid? Get out of here." Was Wyoming's response.  
Maine just growled like he usually does. What the fuck were you expecting? Actual words?  
"Blood Gulch. Did those Little Rascals get the name wrong?" Florida said.  
When Noe went to interrogate CT, she wasn't there…

"WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?!" He yelled down the hallway. At that moment, however, a giant box TV flew by his face, only a half inch from his nose. It crashed down the hallway and knocked down a guard.

"Nope." Was his one word before going back into the Interrogation room and closing the door.  
At that moment, Tex, Carolina, and Warchaloopee kicked down the interrogation room doors. They were actually next to each other, and C.T. was waiting out there, since she had already snuck out.

Eventually, Wash, Maine, South, and York forced their doors open. Wyoming and North had to be helped out, and Florida just walked out. They forgot to lock his door.

"Eyyyyyy! The band's back together!" Wash chirped before glancing around a bit; He had a small frown on his face now. "Well, mostly" he said gloomily.

"What do you mean Wash? Everyone's here!" Questioned York.

"Not my cats! They aren't here!" Exclaimed Wash almost frantically. He paused when an idea came to him. "God, I'm an idiot. I could just whistle for them!" He deadpanned before doing just that.

The rest of the freelancers just sweatdropped "uhh...Wash, I don't think that works fo-" Carolina started to say, only to get interrupted by the loud sound of many cats meowing. It seemed to be getting louder as a herd of fuzzy bodies made their way to them. These fuzzy bodies could be identified as the many cats and kittens that Wash had stolen from the mall.

Wash turned to Carolina, an almost triumphant air about him. "They were surprisingly easy to train." He stated simply, but he was grinning smugly as he did so. (( ?: I bring to you...A smug Wash's army...THE FELINE FURY FIGHTERS! :33 ))

However, Warchaloopee paid no attention to any of the commotion, as she made a mad dash to the exit - nay, to Satan - as soon as she kicked down her door, incapacitating guards along the way. **((Mr. Bold: RUN HAPPY, RUN!)) **(( ?: You can run but you can't hide~~~))

"Now that _everyone_ (even the cats) is actually here, We follow the Satanist chick out? Right?" asked Washington.

"Right" confirmed Connie and Carolina before they shared a glance, blinking at the synchronization.

So they followed the carnage, which included a few tanks sliced in half, towards the main entrance, which had the doors and most of the doorframe missing.

Some of them, like Carolina and Connie ran on without comment. The rest couldn't help but gasp in expected but surprised awe at the sheer devastation. They watched as Warchaloopee just eviscerated another obstacle, this time being a couple cops on motorcycles. Seriously, what is with motorcycle cops charging head on into women that will wreck their shit?

"Are legs supposed to bend that way?" Asked Theta, looking dumbstruck.

"Don't look, Theta!" North exclaimed as he scrambled to put a hand over Theta's hologram eyes.  
The freelancers the proceeded to rush through the wreckage and through what was left of the door.

North had just so happened to be the last one out and one of the few conscious guards managed to get him with a taser. North stumbled for a second before falling to the ground unconscious.

South cursed as she spotted North go down. She turned around and ran over to where her soft hearted, dumbass of a brother who seemed to have no luck with tasers and electricity laid knocked out. She bent down to haul him up with his arm over her shoulder when she felt him flounder her slap her away.

It was a soft hit, but it was obvious now that he was either awake or still jittering from the electricity. She quirked a brow before she reached back down to try and pick him up again, only to be slapped away once more.

"North, what the hell are you doing?" She asked grumpily.

"Just go." He said, sounding tired and defeated… But not really...

"Not without you, now get your ass up so we can leave." She crossed her arms, so what if a little concern could be heard in her voice? You were imagining you heard it, definitely.

((?: It was totally there, she just won't admit it :P)) **((Mr. Bold: I didn't realize that was possible…. Arceus I'm daft)) **(( ?: Well it is here...Anything is possible if you just believe! :D...which would work if I did believe but nah man)) **((Mr. Bold: Um… Duck Duck Orange Juice Robert Downey Jr.?)) **((?: For a second I thought you were saying Dewy as in Mayor Dewy from SU)) **((Mr. Bold: Thor threw thistles thrice?))**

"Just… GO!" He yelled in that false hurt way, trying to push her away. She eyed him warily, cringing a little because he actually didn't yell often. She had a feeling something was a little off with North, She would know after spending her entire life with him, but she complied and ran off begrudgingly.

"FINE, BUT IF YOU GET CAUGHT OR KILLED, IT'S NOT MY FAULT. DOLT" She yelled as she left.

She looked back after a while to find him gone, without a trace. Weird.

**((Mr. Bold: Segue needed? Anyone? Ms. Italics? That… Weird person? Anyone?))**(( ?: Hmmmmm? Sorry, was talking to Ms,Italics.)) **((Mr. Bold: You… Eh?)) **((?: What is so confusing friend? owo)) **((Mr. Bold: I didn't think any of us had social lives, even between ourselves!))** ((?: Well I'm just full of surprises! Huh? Isn't that right? ;D)) **((Mr. Bold: Can you just write the segue?)) **((?: Where to Boldy Moldy? Back to WarWar or what?)) **((Mr. Bold: 'WarWar' **_**should **_**be with the main force right now, so…. Sure?)) **((?: Gottcha Boldy Moldy Coldy~! OFF AND AWAY WE GO~~~~~))

Back with Cristina 'WarWar' Warchaloopee, the unexpected was happening…..except it's totally expected. She had just pummeled a tank that had dare stand between her and wherever her dear Happy the Satan was.

Suddenly, everything went still. Not a single sound could be heard aside from the distant sound of humming. It grew louder and louder until it could be identified as a bunch of fighter planes/helicopters piloted by the most well trained…..monkeys?

Wow, the government must be hiring anyone nowadays…..no thanks to Tex and Warchaloopee no doubt.

Warchaloopee went to grab at the tank to throw it at the monkey pilots when Wash reached out and stopped her.

"Have some faith in my feline fury fighters Warchaloopee" He said with a small grin as loud meowing could be heard approaching. Soon enough, Wash let out a battle cry and pointed at the flying vehicles. Cats of all kinds started to climb the ridiculously tall trees in the area, jumping off of each other once they reached the top to reach the monkeys. They jumped into the cockpits, landing on the primates' faces and causing them to start crashing. Luckily, the cats both have enough sense to jump back out, onto the trees and that they all have nine lives.  
With their path cleared, they made a run for this airport. Wait a minute, airport? Why the hell was an airport out in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere Ireland next to a high security military prison? Oh well. That's another mystery for another day.  
They had just started running when they were suddenly stopped.

"Stop! This is the police! You are surrounded! And holy fuck, WHY IS THERE AN AIRPORT HERE?!" Exclaimed… NOE?!  
At that moment, cop cars, tanks, helicopters, and even parrots moved into a circle around them, forcing them into a small situation. Warchaloopee decided to start discretely unsheathing her sword as Noe ranted.

"As you can see, you have nowhere to go! We even captured that… North Kentucky… Guy….? Whatever the hell his name is."

"Um…." The small voice of a shy officer spoke up. "He's gone."

"What?"

_HONK-HONK!_

A large truck came flying in towards the circle of cops, and the driver jumped out at the last minute, sending the truck crashing into the cops, knocking out about a third of them.

The driver landed next to Noe. It was North!

He grabbed Noe by the shoulders and then Noe started shaking and twitching violently, as a crackling sound could be heard.

"What the hell?! North?!" Yelled South. That conniving son of a bitch! He was faking the whole time! She knew she should have trusted the feeling she had that something wasn't right.  
"I'll explain later! Just get to the airport and hijack a plane!" Yelled North as he punched a cop in the face.  
This then caused the rest of the group to start taking out the rest of the cops surrounding them. After defeating all of the remaining cops, they all made a b-line for the airport.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back in Sarah's room, with the creepy TV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So they hijacked a plane and headed straight for here!" Theta said, ending the… rather long story.

Sarah sat staring at the AI currently in her TV for a good ten seconds before speaking.  
"What the hell?!" Was her only response. Her brain was still trying to process exactly what was just told to her.

At that moment, her door flew open, although she was very sure that it was locked, and Happy came running in.

"NORTH'S A PIKACHU!" He exclaimed very loudly. "ZAP ZAP BOOM!" He gestured wildly with his arms.  
"Happy get the fuck out of my room!" Her brain was still kinda broken, if you couldn't tell. It didn't even register what Happy said.

"But… Zap Zap Boom?"

"You can tell me later, Happy! I'm still trying to process exactly what happened!"

"Oh, come on! I wasn't waiting around in the air ducts all this time for a reaction like this!"  
"Wait, air ducts?"

"Yeah. I waited in the air ducts and listened to your conversation."  
"I'm just gonna choose to ignore that. And what the hell was wrong with my reaction?"

"You were boring."  
"Just get the hell out of my room!"

"OK, BUT I'LL BE BACK!" He then immediately tripped on nothing and fell down the stairs with a loud _CRASH_.  
Sarah just put her face in her hand and shook her head.

**SO THAT'S THE CHAPTER! We're….. Sorry.  
**_We should have been working on this but we weren't. We were lazy and sometimes not able to work on it when we could have because I had no wifi. We are very sorry for not updating in forever._

**That being said… We have something to say. Italics, you start.  
**_We were going to reveal this later when we reached a milestone of some sort, but we decided to reveal it now as an apology for not updating. You know our characters Sarah and Happy? Well, they are basically us. More so based off of us. Sarah is based off of me. _

**And Happy started out based almost entirely on me, but sort of became…. His own beast. Also, next chapter is filler. FUCK YOU (Not really), AND HAVE A NICE LIFE. GOODBYE!  
**_Since this chapter is so long and we're getting sick of writing this one, there won't be a chapter blanco this time. Also, we won't be able to keep a definite update schedule anymore. I'm sorry. It's just too much work and I have marching band coming up. But let's put that aside! We're officially announcing a contest! The winner gets to be involved in the story for a story arc. Now to explain what exactly the contest is. It's to see who can guess our names! Believe it or not, we are real people with actual names. We will each give one hint as to what our names are. Whoever we see first with the both names right wins. If we never see that and someone only guesses one name, then they get to be in the story for one chapter._

**My hint is "Smiling Lincoln." Additionally, just to be clear, you would either PM us or comment guessing the name, making that clear (I'm working off of Fanfiction dot net, will probably be different for quotev), and if you're right, we'll tell you, and **_**then**_** you can tell us your character. The character must be lore-friendly, which would probably mean come from our world, but we can be flexible. Maybe. You have 6 chapters to guess it.  
**_I'm going to be a little more forgiving, but at the same time not, with my hint. My name starts with a B. Have fun!_


	6. Insert Creative Chapter Name Here

_And here we are, with chapter six! I still feel awful for taking so long to update._

**Also, with the contest (Last chapter end Authour's note for details), the results will most likely be posted in the end Authour's note since we write the beginning ones when we start writing the chapter. Also, as I am required to be batshit nuts by this point…. UNICORN PIE!  
**_You learn to ignore it after a while. And honestly, now that I think about it, I highly doubt anyone is gonna guess his name. And if you do, I'm honestly thinking of upping the prize to whoever guesses both of our names correctly. I might make whoever it is a permanent character of the story if he's okay with it. And there might be a slim chance of letting you write with us, but that's highly unlikely._

**I personally would like to stick to the previous prize, but if I can see how it works, then I'd be OK with that. Maybe not the writing though.  
**_It was just a thought. I don't wanna get their hopes up so there won't be any promises. But we should up the prize to making them a permanent character. But not a main character. More like a side character. You still get to be mostly involved in the story arc as promised if both names are guessed, but you may become a side character for the rest of the story._

**Reasonable.  
**_Well, now that that's settled, ON WITH THE STORY! (btw this is the previously mentioned filler chapter) ((Also, if no one at all guesses our names correctly, no one gets to be in the story. So if no one guesses, no one gets to be in the story.))_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been about a week since everyone had escaped from jail, and Sarah was still beyond pissed at the freelancers. But she had been acting strangely for the past few days.

Every few hours she would go and check the mail, but return either angry or disappointed looking. Usually both.

Happy acted similarly, but not as often, usually just deciding to… Like… Try to eat the toaster or something. In fact, that's what he was doing when Sarah walked into the kitchen, still looking disappointed.  
"Why the hell is it taking so long? I thought I did express shipping." Grumbled Sarah as she angrily pulled a powerade out of the fridge. She practically ripped the cap off and drank about half the bottle on one go before walking to her room, paying no mind to the Toaster-eating friend.  
As she was walking towards her room, she stopped mid-step and stared at the bathroom.  
"What the hell are you doing, Sarge?!" She asked the red team leader, who was currently doing something in her bathroom.

"Setting up a base! You never know when the enemy will strike!" He responded…. Answering her question?  
"In my god damn bathroom?"

"Of course! Only one entrance! And we're watching that entrance…."  
"Sarge, get the hell out of my bathroom."

"Traitor!" Sarge then pointed his… Non-existent gun at her….  
"I will give you to the count of three."

"No!" He closed the door in her face, locking it. She noticed that there was a strange symbol painted on the door in red.  
"You think I don't have a key for that?"

"They changed the lock. I gave them the new lock." Happy explained as he walked up to Sarah, startling her a bit.  
"And why the hell would you do that?!"

"I was bored. Don't worry though, I can get in." He then shook the door handle a few times and looked back at her. "It's locked."  
"No shit sherlock."

"Don't worry, I got this." He then charged up, and ran full force into the door. He bounced off with a _thud_.

He laid there, rolling around a bit in pain before exclaiming "HELP! I'VE BEEN PHYSICALLY ABUSED BY THIS DOOR!"

As he said that, Warchaloopee dashed to him, breaking the door almost instantly, as if she was 'avenging' her master, Satan.  
"I am not paying for that!" Yelled Sarah.

Sarge was hellbent on keeping the bathroom though, so he started throwing random toiletries at everyone he could see. Sometimes he didn't even throw them at Grif!

"Sarge, stop throwing things and get the fuck out of my bathroom!"

"But the Blues have already set up a base!"  
"I-They-You-What?! Nevermind. Fuck it. I'm going to my room. I don't wanna deal with this anymore." And with that, Sarah walked into her room and slammed the door shut.

Shortly afterwards, Happy barged into her room, even though she knows she locked the door, with a pen and paper in his hands.

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULE-MAKER!" He exclaimed, tossing aforementioned writing utensils to Sarah.  
"What the hell, Happy?!"

"We have….. 1… 2…. A fuckload of people living in this house now. We need some rules for them. To help them… Not destroy everything we love. Obviously, I don't live here, so I came to you for help."  
"Okay. So we're just writing rules?"

"Yes."

**((Mr. Bold: How this works is we're justing writing the rules, numbered and everything, with occasional comments from them.))**

Don't break the law unless it is necessary for survival

DO NOT, go into Sarah's room unless given permission. And also, FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, knock.

"I… Have always followed that rule." Happy lied seriously, expecting her to believe it.  
"Happy, that is bullshit and we both know it."

Sigma is not allowed to watch Death Note. He might get ideas.

Caboose and Happy are not allowed to be alone together.

"What did I do?" Happy exclaimed.

The Deep Web is off-limits for everyone.

No pets or other unauthorized animals.

No pissing Sarah off unless you want silent treatment, or hysterical crying. Usually both.

No guns in the house unless under attack.

"Should be no guns at all.." Muttered Sarah.

"Well, you never know what might happen. A giant pendulum might fall from the sky and the only way to stop it is to shoot a cupcake at 500 yards." Happy…. Explained….?

No turtles under any circumstances.

"What the hell, Happy?"

He then slowly turned his head towards the clock. "Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Turtles…" He snapped his head back to Sarah. "ARE FUCKING SCARY!"

There may have been a 'slight' screech of terror and surprise from Sarah after that.

Minimal fighting, if at all.

No shorting out the electronics. (Looking at you, Pikanorth)

No hiding mexican food.

No invading electronics.

"That one's more for the AIs I guess. Mainly Omega and Sigma"

NO PASTA. EVER.

Ignoring the craziness of that rule, Happy snatched the paper from Sarah, as she was about to write a rule. "ONLY THREE POP-TARTS MAY SURVIVE!" He yelled before running off.  
"What the hell?! Why only three?! Why am I questioning the amount of pop-tarts he allowed? I need a nap. My brain can't handle this." Sarah then proceeded to shut her door, since Happy didn't bother to close it on his way out, and laid down on her bed, prepared to beat the shit out of anyone who disturbed her for something stupid.

Then the door flew open as Yellow barged in.

"Sarah! The mail came! There's this big box with your name on it!"  
Sarah snapped up out of the bed.  
"What? A big box? I didn't order anything big…" Before Yellow had another chance to speak, she got up and walked past him, out of her room, and to the front door.  
"What the hell? There really is a big package out here…" She thought for a moment about why this box was so damn big before coming to a conclusion.  
"Happy! What did you do?!"

"I DID NOTHING!" Happy yelled loudly, suddenly appearing next to her.  
Sarah screeched in surprise again. Jesus Christ, why does he always do this?!  
"God dammit Happy! Don't do that! And if you didn't do anything, then why the hell is this package so huge?!"

"Don't worry about that!" He then snatched the parcel from her hands and quickly retreated inside.  
"Happy! Get back here!" She yelled while chasing after him.

When she got inside, she saw him on the floor, with the box in front of him, EVERYONE circled around him, and everyone was staring at her expectantly as she walked in.  
"Happy I swear if you ordered something stupid I am smacking you into next year. Let's just get this stupid thing over with."

He then opened the box, practically ripping the flaps of cardboard off and chucking them into orbit.

Inside…. Was a box. But on top of that box were the things she ordered.

STICKERS!

Happy looked confused.  
Sarah quickly grabbed the stickers out of the box.  
"My stickers are here! Finally! Now what the fuck is the other thing in the box?" She said while looking expectantly at Happy.

"No. Please. Explain the stickers." Happy encouraged her.  
"Well, I was gonna wait for a few days so I could work up the balls to do what I was gonna do with them. I don't wanna get the shit beat outta me."

"Go ahead." Everyone said in perfect synch.  
"Alright fine." She quickly moved and stood behind Maine before continuing. She felt the slightest bit safer about this while standing behind him.  
"I ordered some stickers to give to the girls. I'm still kinda pissed at everyone so this is kinda like a joke gift. They're stickers that say "She's Beauty, She's Grace, She'll Punch You in the Face" She then quickly braced herself for whatever impact was coming for her.

The response was laughing and clapping.  
"Okay, not the reaction I was expecting."

"That actually works perfectly because I was a sexist bigot and only got new shit for the males." Happy explained as he pulled out the second box and opened it. "Custom coffee mugs!"  
"Coffee mugs? Why? And why did they come with my package?"

"Because…. Coffee's not against the rules…?"  
"Seriously Happy. Why did you order these?"

"For the lols." He said as he was handing them out to their respective owners.

Around the outside, they had the group they belonged to (Freelancer, Blue, Red, or Real) and then their name. Wyoming's was a teacup.

"Why do I have a teacup?" He asked.

"Because the Wiki says your accent's…. British?"

At the bottom of the inside, there was an image that represented them.

"There's like a…. Yellow rodent in mine?" North stated, very curious about it.

Sarah took a look to see what it was.  
She looked at it for a few seconds before busting out into a fit of giggles, unable to give a proper response. It went on for about a minute before she yelled out an answer.  
"It's a god damn pikachu! HA!" and continued right on laughing.

"Well mine's fairly simple. Lock and lock pick. Very creative." York remarked.

"CATS!" Wash exclaimed.

"Oh wow." Grif commented. "A bullseye."

"OH! BULLSHIT!" Screamed Simmons upon seeing his. Sarah decided to check his out as well.  
"Oh my fucking god! Happy I love you!" And she proceeded to have another full on laughing fit.

"What was it?" Grif asked, hoping to be able to have a reason to make fun of Simmons.  
"It's a calculator that says "I am a nerd" on the little screen!"

"YES!"

"OH, COOL! THE SWORD!" Tucker happily exclaimed.

"IT'S FRECKLES! AND HE'S WEARING THE CANADA HAT!" Caboose gleefully acknowledged.

"That's a sombrero." Happy stated.

"Wait, wait, wait. Freckles?" York asked.  
"Freckles is a Mantis Class Assault Droid that Caboose found and repaired. He claims that he's a dog and was used as a replacement when Church left." Explained Sarah after recovering from her laughter.

Maine hissed inquisitively.

"What in the world is that?" Sigma asked, looking at the image.

"The Meta Tattoo in Comic Sans." Happy explained.

**((Mr. Bold: A link for that will be on the profile info thing-y))**

"Oh. A flowerpot. That's nice." Florida said.

"I got a cupcake on mine!" Said Donut.

"What are you trying to say here, Happy?" Said Yellow. On his was a Coo-Coo Clock.  
"There are still two more mugs left in the box." Said Sarah.

"Those are for Noe and… Church." He explained.

Everyone seemed a little crestfallen after the mention of Church, who had yet to show up at fucking all.

**HORRIBLE SEGUE TO END THE FIRST REAL FILLER! And even though this is going up on Saturday, we actually finished it the day after the last one! Also, it may take some time for the next one to come out since it's the first one of the first real story arc, so we may need some time to plan out the arc and make sure the chapter fits that.  
**_Yeah, that's gonna take sometime. And it's gonna take even longer because starting next week, I have marching band stuff every day for two weeks so I won't be able to get on as often. Please forgive us for the delay._

**That being said, I'm fucking tired, good-bye!  
**_See you guys in the next author's note._


	7. World War Lunch and the Aftermath

_Y'know, we write this in google drive and discuss things in the chat box it provides. We act completely opposite in that chat, and in real life, than we do in these Author's Notes._

**WELL, I'M STILL BATSHIT NUTS, BUT NOT HOMICIDAL LIKE GLOWING DINGO FECES!** _  
And I usually say the weird random shit. But I highly doubt any of you would believe that. Also, how's the name guessing going?_

**At the time of writing this, NO ONE'S TRIED! LLLL!  
**_I've run out of things to say in this Author's Note. On with the story!_

w

**All you Quotev readers, the images that suddenly appeared are faces we made for the characters with an anime face maker. The face maker makes pretty much everyone look like teenagers. The first 2 are Sarah's face done by Ms. Italics (First one) and me (Second one). Choose which one you like more. 3rd is Happy, 4th is Warchaloopee, 5th is Yellow, 6th is Noe, and this one is Carolina.**_  
__**-  
**_It had been a few days since the mugs came in the mail, and Sarah had been thinking over what happened at the mall. It didn't really help anything.

It just made her more pissed off and is currently giving all of the freelancers the silent treatment. Yeah, she tended to hold grudges for long periods of time.

Then, one time, Happy came over to her house, still not sure how in the world he gets there, and proudly walked in.

"_**SARAH!**_" He yelled almost loud enough to cause some structural damage in the house. "I have an idea."  
Sarah groaned in annoyance before responding.  
"What?"

"We can put everyone in a giant blender, blend them up, and then drink it."  
"Happy, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit right now."

"But, but, I have the funding."  
"Happy, not now! I'm in a bad mood! Leave me alone!"

"Well, can you tell Caboose to stop leaving me threatening voice mails?"  
"I don't think Caboose even knows how to make a real threat."

"It didn't sound like him, true. But he called himself a banana, so I assumed it was him."  
"I'm gonna choose to ignore that."

"Well, lunchtime!" He was accompanied by the Reds, Blues, and a few freelancers.  
"Whatever, I'm going to my room." And with that, she walked off and may or may not have slammed the door to her room after walking in.

Then, the crisis began. Lunchtime.

They were having fish sticks. Sounds simple, but at about 12 fish sticks each for 27 people, that was a fuckton of fish sticks. 324, to be precise. They were put on the table on 4 large plates, 81 fish sticks each.  
Before the meal officially started, there was a "bit" of commotion from Sarah's room.  
"Yellow, get the fuck off of me! Let me go!" Just as that was yelled, Sarah was forcefully dragged from her room by Yellow.

"Good of you to join us, Sarah." Happy commented, holding onto a water bottle like a wine glass (Somehow).  
"Shut the hell up, Happy! And someone get this lunatic off of me!" Sarah yelled while trying to pull her arm free from Yellow.

"Eh…. Not in my job description." Wash commented, trying to find a seat.  
"I hate all of you." Grumbled Sarah as she was dragged to the table.

"Wait!" Happy exclaimed. "There's…. 1… 2… 27 of us, and…. 1… 2… 6 seats!"  
"Not my problem. I'm not eating." Said Sarah.  
"But you have to! I did not drag you out here for nothing! And you can't be holed up in your room all day!" Said Yellow. Hey, the lunatic cares about his saviors health!

"Yeah!" Happy interjected. "She'd probably play video games and then cry over very, very, small things."

((_Miss Italics: This is a jab at me for earlier. This asshole has a heart of stone and is calling me a wuss for being sad about Halo: Reach. It's a sad game dammit!))_ **((Mr. Bold: Hey, I'm not **_**completely **_**heartless. I'VE CRIED FROM SADNESS TWICE! FUCKING TWICE! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES THAT IS?!)) **_((Miss Italics: Oh wow! Two whole times! You must be so proud of yourself!))_ **((Mr. Bold: I KNOW! IT'S AMAZING! AND! ONE OF THEM WAS FROM A FICTIONAL SOURCE!))**_((Miss Italics: We'll finish this in the ending Author's Note))_

"What happens in some games is not small! There is death and sadness!"

"Death, at least in a fictional setting, IS NOT SAD! Most of the time. That one show did it right."  
"Okay whatever. Let's just drop it! And Yellow, let go of my arm!" She then pulled on it for emphasis.  
"But you might try to run back to your room! So I can't let you go!" And with that, Yellow tightened his grip.  
"God dammit!"

"OK!" Happy yelled, pulling out a giant white board with the title 'Seating arrangements.' "We need to plan!"  
"Happy, everyone is not gonna fit at this table. Even if there were enough chairs, the table is too small." Said Sarah, trying not to get any more pissed off.

"EXACTLY!" He was sounding more like an instructor every second. He then drew the entire lower floor with an accuracy that was unlike him. "WE NEED TO DECIDE WHERE EVERYONE GOES RIGHT NOW BEFORE THE FISH STICKS GET COLD!"  
"Happy, no one cares!" Yelled Sarah while slamming her fist on the table. She unknowingly hit one of the platters of fish sticks and they launched off the platter, and right onto Tex.

After a moment of silence, Happy picked up a fish stick. "Matur berjast!"  
"What?" Asked Sarah in confusion.

"Ég skil ekki.  
"Cristina, útskýra takk, eins og ég er ekki"

Warchaloopee turned towards Sarah, knowing this strange language apparently. "He explained to me that sometimes he'll….. Start speaking in other languages…." She explained.

**(Mr. Bold: He speaks as fluently as google translate)**

"Matur berjast!" Happy repeated, throwing a fish stick at Carolina.

"He means Food Fight." Warchaloopee translates.  
"What?! Happy no!" Yelled Sarah. But it was too late. Carolina had already grabbed a handful of fish sticks.

"Skrúfa þig, Sarah!"  
"I have no idea what you said, but I know shit talking when I hear it!" Sarah then proceeded to grab a bunch of fish sticks and throw them right at Happy's face.

"Láttu Hellhounds Satans rigna niður á þér!"

"In what story ever does it rain hellhounds?" Warchaloopee asked.

"Í legi mínu!"

"By the way…" Warchaloopee started, pulling out a cupcake. She then shoved it in Caboose's face with the straightest face ever. "You're it."

"Andskotinn hafi það, Cristina."

Tex then picked up a whole bunch of fish sticks and started throwing them at everyone, she was particularly pissed off at Sarah, so she got a gallon of milk and poured it on her head.  
"Fucking really?! You poured fucking milk on my head?! I'd bitch slap you right now if I could reach your fucking face!" Sarah was fucking pissed now. She grabbed more fish sticks and hurled them right at Tex.

_(Miss Italics: I bet yall forgot that Sarah was 4'11 in height didn't you? And I also bet you forgot her hair was green but that's not important.)_

"ÉG VEIT HVAÐ mun róa þig niður!" Happy screamed, getting some nutella and throwing it at Sarah, splattering across her face and torso.  
"What the fuck, Happy?! I'm wearing my favorite shirt today!"

Then Maine got out a watermelon and whacked Happy over the head with it. It splattered instantly. Happy continued yelling at Sarah for a while before ragdolling towards the wall, knocking him out.  
After happy got knocked out, everything went downhill from there. The Reds and Blues were at opposite ends of the table throwing fish sticks back and forth at each other.

York found the whipped cream and we can all imagine how that turned out.

Wash got the ketchup and mustard and started squirting it at everyone.

And the author writing this scene is fairly certain that Sarah was attempting to beat someone over the head with a banana while climbing on their back.  
Tex, South, and Carolina were strategically throwing ice cream at everyone.

North got Calamari and started shoving it down people's shirts.

Tucker found a fermented herring, the smelliest food in the world, and started slapping people on the cheeks with it.

Caboose, having finally recovered from the cupcake, found a deep-fried Yak Dick. Stuff happened. Weird stuff.

After a few minutes passed, Sarah looked over the couch she had been using as cover to see a deep-fried Yak Dick heading straight towards her face. It hit her right in the center of her forehead. That was the last straw.  
Sarah screeched at the top of her lungs. "EVERYONE STOP. THIS IS FUCKING DONE."

She came out from behind the couch and spiraled into an angry rant that was probably going to kill her voice.  
"Everyone in this room knows how easy it is to piss me off! Every single one of you! Especially you, Happy! And What do you all go and do? You throw all of my food everywhere and trash my house! You throw food on me! You ruin my favorite shirt! And you act like you don't even fucking care! Like the fact that this is where I live and I don't want to see it trashed doesn't matter! Do any of you have any respect for other people's' stuff?! You all knew that I was still pissed off at you! You knew I was still mad, and you go and do this!" By this point, Sarah had tears of anger and frustration going down her face.  
"I have been kind enough to let you all live in my house even though I was still mad at you! I didn't have to, but I fucking did! I let you live here, eat my food, and use my bathrooms and showers! And then you go and wreck my kitchen, my dining room, and my living room! What have I ever done to you?! I'm going to my room, do not bother me! And if this place isn't clean by the end of the day you are all getting the fuck out of my house and never coming back!"

This was a very heartwarming 'speech' that warmed a lot of people's hearts, even making some re-evaluations of their life decisions. Except for Happy, who was unconscious, a fact one of the authours seems to have forgotten.

_(Miss Italics: I got caught up in Sarah's anger since I write for her, and completely forgot. Don't judge me)_

In fact, once Happy got up, he immediately jumped up onto the table, snapping it in half.  
"Really Happy?! Are you fucking serious?!"

"What?" Happy asked, out of icelandic mode, but oblivious to everything.  
"I just went on this long-ass angry rant, and then you make things worse and snap the fucking table in half!"

"It could be worse. I'm pretty sure Maine just 'accidentally' took down a wall."  
"He WHAT?! Never mind. I don't wanna deal with it. I'm going to my room. This place better be cleaned by the end of the day!" And with that, Sarah stormed off to her room, and slammed the door. If you stood close enough to the door, light sobbing could be heard.

Yellow then rushed after her, trying to comfort her.  
"Get the fuck out Yellow!" And he was abruptly shoved from her room, and the door was locked.

Everyone looked a little crestfallen, except for Happy, who was a huge dick and left not too long ago. Before Sarah even finished talking, to be precise.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Undetermined # of weeks later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_If there was one thing Sarah was known for, it was holding a grudge. She was still very much pissed off at everyone. She hadn't spoken a word to anyone since the incident. She was ignoring everyone.

The wall that was knocked down hadn't been repaired yet, so they currently had a giant stick holding it up. Sadly, it was a wall to the outside, so many stray animals would find their way in.

Happy tried to show up a couple times, but someone always made sure he left.

Today, however, was different, as he snuck in without anyone noticing. Somehow. It's unknown to even the authours of this amazing adventure that is totally legit and not a waste of time.

It was rather early in the morning, so Sarah was fast asleep, when she heard loud clangs, swears, and threats. Thinking some people got into a scuffle, she went downstairs to chastise them or just glare at them with a disappointing look.

She was not expecting what she found downstairs.

Where the non-existent wall used to be was now a brick wall, with an exhausted Happy looking at it while sitting down in a chair for a break. He immediately noticed her, swinging his head towards her.

"Hey Sarah." He started, getting up. "I felt really bad for everything I did, so I did my best to rebuild the wall."  
Sarah gave him a questioning look. "You did this?"

"NO." He said sarcastically. "These tiny little alien gnomes broke in and made a wall!"

"There's no need to be rude about it! I was just surprised! Thanks for fixing it."

"Yeah, well, no big deal." He said, trying to look cool, leaning on the new wall.

It immediately crumbled, with all of the bricks going everywhere, and Happy falling outside with a large _CRASH! _Everyone in the house was probably woken up by that.

After a quick scan of the room, Sarah realized Happy's mistake. He didn't use mortar. He was just stacking bricks. Sarah then placed her face into her palm. "God dammit Happy."

"What? Beluga tacos? That doesn't sound appealing." He was either hallucinating from the bricks hitting his head, or back to his old self again.

At that moment, _all _of the freelancers, a cat, and Tucker ran into the room to figure out what the source of the commotion was.

Tucker looked like he hadn't had any sleep, and the freelancers looked like they were about ready to kill a small country, which they probably were.

"What's the problem?" Wash asked as the others surveyed the room.  
Even though she really didn't want to, Sarah answered him.  
"Happy tried to fix the wall but didn't use any cement. And when he tried to lean on it, it came apart."

"That's nice. I'm gonna' go back to the Zboz…." Tucker stated, walking to Sarah's room.  
"Wait a minute!" Sarah grabbed Tucker by the back of his shirt. "Were you on my Zboz?!"

"You…. Have no proof?"  
"You just said you were gonna go back to playing it, and started walking towards my room!"

"How'd you even do that? It's in her room." Stated…. WARCHALOOPEE? "Wouldn't the light wake her up?"

Apparently, Warchalopee was there the entire time, and no one even noticed her. She was just sitting down, drinking…. eggnog? She also had a giant orange ribbon on her neck, which was new.  
"Where the hell did you come from?!" Asked Sarah.

"I was here the whole time," She took another sip of her out-of-season eggnog. "I'm rather surprised you didn't see me."  
"Well you're somehow shorter than me, how could I have seen you?"

**(Mr. Bold: Guess you forgot she was shorter than Sarah, huh? Also, bet ya' guys forgot she did all of that crazy shit in the mall while wearing 4-inch heels.) **_(Miss Italics: I swear it was not there when we first wrote it. Either that or I'm a forgetful idiot)_

Warchaloopee's eyebrows furrowed, showing her anger at Sarah. "I can still throw you to another country from here."  
Sarah backed off. "Point taken."

"What's with the ribbon?" York asked, sitting down with a cup of eggnog, wherever they got it from.

"Oh, that." Happy started, walking into the room. "She followed me home, no surprise, and my parents, also no surprise, called the police reporting a stalker. So, to hide from my parents and the cops, she put on a ribbon."

"How is that gonna change anything?" Asked Sarah.

"Most people make horribly illogical decisions that turn out to be more logical than logic itself. I figured I'd try my hand at it."

"You started that with the whole Satan thing." North pointed out.

Warchaloopee shook her head. "No." She took out her sword and started polishing it. "Makes a lot of sense if you think about it."

"You wanna' know what's weirder?" Happy started. "It actually works."  
"Bullshit" Said Sarah. She did not believe that the stupid ribbon worked.

"Granted she also used a flashbang, but I think it was the ribbon that really did it in." After a short silence, Happy spoke up again. "Anyway, we should all get together and watch some RVB sometime. You know, for the lulz."  
"Actually, yeah, we should. I'm calling this revenge for what they did." Said Sarah. Oh man, their reactions are gonna be priceless! Seeing the Reds and Blues like this. And Wash is gonna get it when South sees what he did.

"Revenge? How would it be revenge?" Grif inquired.

"Just wait. You'll see." Replied Sarah.

"What about revenge for Happy?" Washington asked.

"He'll get it later. Just as soon as I think of something."

"Why would you say that, Wash?" Happy asked him, malice seeping from his words. "Now I have to annoyingly beep in your ear for hours on end. Beep, beep, beep."

"That was 3 beeps. Not hours on end." Wash pointed out.

"Close enough."

"Whatever, you two. Just stop already and let's get this started. You're all probably gonna hate me after this." Said Sarah. She couldn't wait to see their reactions.

So the gang set up around the TV, remembered that they were tired as shit, went to sleep, woke up, re-set up around the TV and started watching RvB.

Next time.

We're lazy.

**DONE.**

_We're both a couple of lazy fucks who might have completely forgotten about this story for a few months._

**I tried at least 4 time in the past 2 days to get them to work, but they didn't respond any of the times. Luckily, we're here! We're back! Our hiatus still isn't as long as Sherlock's!**

_We're still sorry though. We are very neglectful of this story._

**I listened to a shit-ton of FNAF songs and visualised a pretty fleshed out idea for the next arc. At least the final battle, that is…**

_It's pretty interesting from what I remember him saying about it._

**Only hint: Happy does something useful! Bye!**


	8. Chapter Blanco

**Hello. 'Tis moi, Mr. Bold.**

**It's been a while hasn't it? I can't seem to remember how to tap into that craziness that made me say random shit before. Oh well.**

**This isn't us saying this story'll be continued. Ms. Italics and Ms. Underlined have lost interest in this story (Mostly my fault), so it won't be continued. This is just a send-off.**

**For a little bit of backstory, those "Mini Chapter Blancos", where random shit would happen, were based off of the first draft of the first chapter, which was so ridiculous I convinced Ms. Italics that we needed to rewrite it.**

**I think you see where this is going.**

_**|-]{}[-|**_

_**3rd Person POV**_

_**|-]{}[-|**_

It was a cold winter morning in the state known as Maryland. It was actually almost Spring, but good luck telling that to the weather! It was cold with snow and frost lining the light blue Cape Cod house in a freezing embrace.

On this day, there was sunlight shooting through the window, casting a thin golden paste on the face of a girl in bed. Her name was Sarah. She had green hair parted down the middle and blue eyes. She was shorter than most other people in her grade, due to being 4'11". She was about have the best - and worst - day of her life.

Sarah woke up that morning to loud noises in her living room. It sounded like voices.

"Who the hell is in my house?" She muttered to herself.

She pulled herself out of her bed and walked downstairs only to see a bunch of armor-clad freelancers.  
"What the fuck?!" Sarah exclaimed at the sight of them. Why were the freelancers from Red vs Blue in her living room?

She almost immediately heard the sound of at least 5 guns cocking. She noticed one right next to her head. That one, of course, was held by Agent Texas. Carolina followed shortly afterwards.

"What are you doing here? Where are we?" Texas grilled her for information before Carolina could open her mouth.

"I'm here because this is my god damn house. Why the hell are you in it?" Sarah said in a rather rude manner, despite the numerous guns pointed at her.

At that moment in time, the worst thing imaginable happened. It was so bad, she could've been killed because of it. Her phone rang.

"Oh god dammit!" She picked up her phone and saw it was her friend Happy. She clicked the answer button.  
"You could not have chosen a worse time to call me!" She said with anger and a slight amount of fear mixed into her voice.

"Um…" Happy's crackly voice came from the telephone. "It's already 3:00 PM. We agreed that I would come over today and watch Season 12 together? Still haven't seen it? Anyway, I'm just down the street from your house. I walked."  
"Turn the fuck around! You can not come over right now! Shit is happening and I don't know why or how!"

"Um, what? I speedwalk, so I'm at your door. It's unlocked. I'm ins- WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"Son of a bitch." Sarah puts her face directly in her palm in a pissed off manner.

Happy walked into the living room. He had ebony black hair parted in one direction and bronze eyes that were wide from the shock. He was significantly taller than Sarah at 5' 7".

"Who is this?!" Agent Texas grilled them as she pointed her gun at Happy.

"Why are there cosplayers in your living room?" Happy asked Sarah, his voice trailing off.

_BANG!_

There was a loud noise after Tex pulled the trigger.

"MY LEG! MY FUCKING LEG! YOU SHOT MY LEG, YOU BITCH!" He started screaming with all of the force he could muster up. His eyes slowly drooped shut. "Not… A cosplayer…" He then promptly fainted.

"What the hell you bitch! You just shot my friend!" The girl yelled at the intimidating woman before her.

"I'm sure that we can rationally talk this out." Washington tried to calm down the group.

Happy then rose up from the floor and punched Tex in the face. It did nothing, but it looked cool.

"Are you insane?! Do you have any idea who you just fucking punched?! It was nice knowing you man." Sarah yells at her friend. This was not his best decision. "Wait, shit, you were just shot. Are you okay?"

"I'M WEARING BULLETPROOF PANTS!" He exclaimed loudly.

"Why am I friends with you?" She says while sighing in annoyance.

"BECAUSE WE HAVE SIMILAR INTERESTS!"

Tex then shot him in the shoulder. He fell down again.

"Should've… worn… bulletproof vest…"

"God dammit! Stop shooting my friend you bitch!" She yells in anger  
"Happy, are you okay?!"

"Oh, this? I'm fine. I literally have a pain threshold. Anything out of that just kicks my adrenaline into high gear. I am literally healthier now that I have been shot."

Happy then pulled out a brownie from his pocket and started eating it. It appeared to be dirty with some mold on it.

"God dammit Happy, don't eat that!"

"I'M A STRESS EATER!"

_BANG!_

Another shot, this time in Happy's other shoulder.

"GODAMMIT!" Yelled Happy.

"Stop shooting my friend! Let's try to work this out and NOT put anymore bullets in him!"

"Then answer our question!" Agent Texas sneered at her. "Where are we?"

"You're in Maryland! How you got here is beyond me."

"Also, what is a 'cosplayer'? The swiss cheese over there mentioned that."

"A cosplayer is someone who dresses up as a fictional character, which is what you guys are supposed to be!"

Texas tried to speak up again, but was interrupted by Washington.

"Um… May I just ask where the other Blues are? I am worried about them. They couldn't last 2 seconds by themselves."

"Hell if I know. The only ones here are you guys"

"And WHERE IN THE WORLD DID OMEGA GO?!" Texas screamed furiously. The other Freelancers with AIs looked at her curiously.

Suddenly the TV in her living room blared to life, playing the keyboard cat clip over and over again.  
"What the fuck?" Said Sarah angrily, and more than a little confused.

"I can control _everything_." Came Omega's voice from the TV, a little bit dumbfounded, if that was possible.

"Get the fuck out of my TV Omega!" Yelled Sarah, debating on whether or not to punch her TV to see if it would hurt the AI.

"OK." The TV shut off. Then the ceiling lights went up to a brightness that Sarah didn't think possible. It was a blinding ray of simulated light directly in the faces of everyone.  
"Son of a bitch! I didn't mean 'go into something else'! Go back into Tex and stay out of the electronics in my house!"

The lights flickered off, and everything went back to normal, except for Tex's next comment.

"Omega still isn't in my suit…." She told them, more than a little confused.

"SARAH! THE TOASTER ISN'T GIVING ME MY BREAD BACK!" Came Happy's voice from the kitchen.

"God dammit Omega! Listen to what I say!" Yelled Sarah while storming into her kitchen, about to chuck her toaster out the back door.

When she entered the room, she didn't expect to see her friend, with an untreated bullet hole in each shoulder, wrestling with a toaster that was shooting flames at the ceiling.

"Happy, put the toaster down! I want a shot at him!"

The toaster then became inactive and gave Happy burnt toast. He walked off, nibbling on the searing hot blackened toast. He was holding onto it with his bare hands.

"Happy, why are you eating the burnt toast? More importantly, where's Omega this time?"

"It's tasty. Also, do you have any Ketchup?"  
"This is really not the time for this, but it's in the fridge. Now, where the hell is Omega?!"

Happy walked over to the fridge and opened it. The lights flickered and a huge blast of cold was shot out of the fridge into the entire house.

Happy didn't notice that something happened, grabbed the ketchup, and put it on his toast. He threw the Ketchup behind him and didn't even close the refrigerator.  
"Wow, rude. But that's not the point. Omega get the fuck out of my fridge and back into Tex!"

"What are you talking about?" Omega's voice came from the microwave. The fridge was still blasting cold. "I never entered the fridge."  
"Then what the hell is wrong with my fridge?! It should not be bitch slapping me in the face with cold!"

Sarah then noticed that a panel was open on the side of the refrigerator and that the wiring inside had been tampered with.  
"Alright, who fucked with my fridge?!" Sarah looked like she was about to kill someone. Nobody messes with her food storage units.

"Oh, that?" Happy said with his mouth full of ketchup and charcoal. "I modified it. It now keeps food 600% cooler! How I did it, I don't know."

"Happy, how many times do i have to tell you not to mess with my stuff?!"

"But the food will be fresher!"

"I don't care! Fix it now! My parents are gonna kill me when they come home from their trip and see this!"


End file.
